Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

Military Life

What Military Spouses Should Know About PERSEC and How to Stay Safe Online

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Let’s Talk About PERSEC!

Social media is a fantastic thing. We didn’t always have it. I remember when we first got the internet. I was 16 years old, and the idea that I could talk with people in other parts of the country and the world was amazing. I could log on and chat with someone from Texas, even though I was in California.

Social media has evolved over the years and is now an integral part of our military life experience. We talk with our spouses on social media when they are overseas, we make military spouse friends through groups and pages, and we stay in contact with family and friends.

Social media is a good thing, but we need to have limits, especially as military spouses.

OPSEC (Operations Security) is a vital part of staying safe. There are certain things you can not say on social media. Learning about OPSEC is essential for any military spouse.

Beyond OPSEC is PERSEC. PERSEC isn’t as strict as OPSEC, and it is up to each military service member and their families to figure out what to say and what not to say.

PERSEC and the Military Spouse

PERSEC stands for Personal Security and is about staying safe, especially when posting online.

Rank and other details

As a rule, don’t share your service member’s rank. If you post a photo in uniform, put a sticker over the rank. Facebook makes this pretty easy these days. Sharing rank can be more information than you want to give out. You never know who is going to read your post or see your photos, even if you do share them privately.

Location

Be wise about sharing your location. Since we as military spouses want to find community, sharing your duty station is common in social media settings. In some ways, you can’t avoid doing so, especially if you connect with local pages and friends. But be wise about sharing your exact locations. Don’t share photos of your house. Don’t post your address publicly.

When you go out and do things in your community, be aware of what you are posting. It is better to post about where you are after the fact. That way, you can still share what you have done without letting your location be known. Be careful about sharing your regular schedule. Posts like “Checking in for my Tuesday yoga class” can be dangerous when you add your location.

Double-check the location settings on your phone so people won’t be able to see your exact location.

PERSEC and the Military Spouse

Privacy Settings

Check your privacy settings. On Facebook, go into your settings and make sure what you are sharing publically is what you want to show the world. You can check by “viewing your profile as…public.” You can also go back and make all of your previous public posts private. Do a double-check on your photos. Your profile photo is always going to be public. There is no way to change that, so make sure that your photo is what you want the world to see.

If you are in a lot of Facebook groups, more people are going to check out your profile page. Protect yourself by limiting what they can see. Make sure only friends can view your friend’s list. Don’t make that information public. And be very careful about who you friend online. Someone can easily pretend to be someone they are not to get personal information from you.

Sharing your life

When sharing your life on social media, take a moment to think about what others see. What would they be able to tell about you? What would they be able to figure out about your kids? Could they figure out where they go to school? Do they know personal information about them that they shouldn’t?

Post after the fact

One tip for those who do like to share about their lives is to consistently post about stuff after the fact. Some people only share vacation photos after they get home. This can be one way to make sure no one knows you are not at home and that no one knows where you are.

PERSEC and the Military Spouse

Talk with your spouse

Most importantly, talk to your spouse about PERSEC and what they feel comfortable with. They might not want you to post anything about them on social media. They might not want you to post anything about your kids. You need to talk this over to be on the same page.

PERSEC can be very individual, but it’s necessary to be aware of what you are posting about on social media. Not everyone who sees what you post is a good person, and you want to stay safe.

What tips do you have about sticking to PERSEC as a military spouse?

The Six Degrees of Separation of Military Spouse Friendships

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The Six Degrees of Separation of Military Spouse Friendships

A friend and I were talking the other day about how we had met through a mutual friend and how there does seem to be six degrees of separation of military spouse friendships within the military community. When you meet someone new, they might also know someone you know.

There have been so many times when this has happened to me. I meet new people, we add each other on Facebook, and I learn they are friends with someone I already know.

A friend from Germany might be stationed near a friend I met through blogging.

A former neighbor of mine might end up becoming a new neighbor of someone else I have met during my time as a military spouse.

I can meet someone who just moved here, and it turns out they are good friends with a girl I knew from MOPS, who moved away from here years ago.

They say the military is a small world, and each branch is even smaller. Add online connections and a lot of us military spouses know one another or know each other’s friends. And this…can be a good thing.

Knowing that someone has a mutual friend can allow us to be a little bolder in pursuing a new friendship. If a friend of ours gets along with them, we might get along with them too. And that can help all of us when it comes to making new friends.

As military spouses, we don’t all have the luxury of staying in the same place for most of our military life years. Either we are moving, or our friends are, or both. As you think about your current circle of friends, you know that three years from now, things will not look the same. They might not even be the same a year from now.

As much as we know this is all a part of military spouse life, saying goodbye to a good friend is never going to be easy. In some cases, saying goodbye to a good friend will break our hearts, and no amount of preparing for that will help.

I am thankful that we do live in a time of social media despite its downfalls. Not only can I keep in touch with my family, but I can stay in the lives of the many friends I have made during my time as a military spouse.

Things won’t be the same after you say goodbye to someone. That is life. Even if you can see one another again, and I hope that you can, life just goes on, and things change.

As much as I want to stop time when it comes to my friendships, I know that isn’t possible. I mourn the time we no longer spend together, and I cherish every memory we have ever had. Still, I know that the best thing I can do is move forward and be open to new friendships, whereever they might be.

And knowing that so many of the people I meet today have some sort of connection to someone I already know is comforting. That allows this introvert to open up a little more, and learn more about the new people I meet in my life.

If you are a new military spouse, you might think this couldn’t possibly happen to you. Everyone you meet is completely new to you, and you have no connection to them in any way. But give it time.

As the years go on, you will meet more people. And as you PCS from one place to the next, your social network will grow. You will find your military world a little more friendly, comfortable, and easier to navigate.

Have you ever made friends simply because they were connected to someone you already know? Tell me your story!

7 Fantastic Ways to Use Social Media to Help You Improve Your Military Spouse Life

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Oh, social media. We love social media, but we hate social media. Between Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok, it can feel like we are always “on” to the world. And that can be a bit overwhelming and quickly take over our lives. However, when social media is used as a tool, the platforms can be a great way to improve our lives as military spouses.

Military spouses move often and meet new people all the time. We make a lot of connections, but we don’t always get to live near them, or if we do, it is for a limited amount of time. Social media allows us to stay connected in ways we might not otherwise be able to. Social media can also give us access to resources and people we might not otherwise have been able to connect to.

When you first become a military spouse, this life can be overwhelming. You can use social media to help you in your military spouse life. Here are 7 ways to do so:

Stay connected to friends

My first experience with social media was with Myspace. Remember Tom and how you could pick your top 8? Talk about pressure! Back then, we military spouses would connect on Myspace, share photos from the day, and figure out the best music to describe precisely what we felt.

These days, we are all on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. And while these platforms are all different than Myspace ever was, we can still stay connected to our friends using them. When we meet someone new, get to know them, and want to connect, adding one another on social media seems like the best thing to do.

By doing so, we are always connected. And when those PCS orders come, we can still stay connected, no matter where military life might take us.

Asian woman looking at her phone

Stay connected to family

One of the hardest parts of military life can be having to live so far away from family. We don’t get to see them regularly and have to stay in touch over the miles. Social media can be a great way to do this. One of the accounts I set up for myself is a private Instagram account where I am connected to my closest friends and family. This makes sharing photos and what we are doing with a select few easy and helps our families stay connected.

Join a local group

When you first get those PCS orders, and they seem like they are pretty much going to stick, you probably want to start joining local groups for your new area. Doing so allows you to ask questions, get to know what is happening in that area, and give you a running start into your new community.

Learn about resources

There are so many military spouse resources out there, from blogs like this one to organizations like Military OneSource. And all of them have social media accounts. Connect with these military spouse resources over social media, and you will have access to all these resources, from advice about deployments to help finding a new job.

Find out about military spouse talk shows and podcasts

Did you know there is a military spouse talk show out there? MilSpouse Conversations is a diverse panel of military spouses who talk about…well, everything, from PCSing to parenting to all the things that are important to you! Follow MilSpouse Conversations on social!

You can also find other military spouse podcasts like MilSpouse Matters and The Spouse Angle. Podcasts are easy to listen to and can bring you a wealth of information, tips, and resources for your military spouse life.

Find out about events in your community

One of the best tips I can give any military spouse in this life is to make sure you find things you love to do and stay busy. Not having enough to do causes boredom, and that’s when life can get a little more difficult. One of the best ways to find things to do is to find out what events are going on in your own community.

I am in the Fort Campbell area, so if I follow the pages for the local city of Clarksville, Fort Campbell MWR, and other local pages and groups, I will have a steady stream of events in my feed. This gives me lots of options to fill out my calendar.

Entertainment

Let’s face it: there is a lot of entertainment on social media. You can find videos on every topic these days. From your favorite TV show, I think I am on Outlander TikTok, to what you like to read or where you like to travel. Be aware of how much time you are on social media, and enjoy what it has to offer.

Social media is a tool, and we can use it to improve our lives whether we are brand new to this life or are a seasoned spouse.

What are your favorite ways to use social media as a military spouse?

7 Fantastic Ways to Use Social Media to Help You Improve Your Military Spouse Life

Bring Home a Jack Daniel’s Barrel to Support Military Families This Holiday Season Through “Operation Ride Home”

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Bring Home a Jack Daniel’s Barrel to Support Military Families This Holiday Season Through “Operation Ride Home”

Barrels from Ten “Barrel Trees” Nationwide Available to Purchase Now to Fund Holiday Travel for Junior-Enlisted Service Members and Their Families 

Lynchburg, TN (December 2, 2024) – The season just got a little brighter for the nation’s military community with the launch of Jack Daniel’s annual “Barrel Tree” sale, which will help junior-enlisted service members and their families travel home for the holidays.

Barrels from each of the 10 Jack Daniel’s “Barrel Trees” currently on display across the country are now available for $200 each at operationridehome.com. Proceeds benefit the “Operation Ride Home” program in partnership with the Armed Services YMCA (ASYMCA), which has helped nearly 13,000 individuals travel home and raised close to $3 million since 2011. Service members from the Army, Marine Corps, Navy, Air Force, Space Force, and Coast Guard have received travel assistance to all 50 states.

“Our whiskey barrels have always had a special role to play, and during the holiday season, they take on an even greater purpose—bringing military families together,” said Chris Fletcher, Jack Daniel’s Master Distiller. “We hope our friends will purchase a barrel to help service members create cherished memories with their loved ones. It’s an opportunity to honor their sacrifices and make this season even more meaningful for the families.”

Jack Daniel’s first built its iconic 26-foot-tall “Barrel Tree” in 2011 in Lynchburg, TN, using 140 American white oak whiskey barrels to bring festive cheer to the community. This year, that tree and nine others are lighting up cities across the country, including: Nashville, TN; Tampa, FL; San Antonio, TX; Washington, D.C.; New Brunswick, NJ; New York, NY; San Francisco, CA; and Venice, CA. Each charred oak barrel used to build the trees once matured Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey to perfection.

To purchase a barrel and support military families this holiday season, visit operationridehome.com.

About Jack Daniel’s:

Officially registered by the U.S. Government in 1866 and based in Lynchburg, Tenn., the Jack Daniel Distillery is the first registered distillery in the United States and is on the National Register of Historic Places. Jack Daniel’s is the maker of the world-famous Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7 Tennessee Whiskey, Gentleman Jack Double Mellowed Tennessee Whiskey, Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel Tennessee Whiskey, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Fire, Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Apple, Jack Daniel’s Bonded, Jack Daniel’s Sinatra Select and Jack Daniel’s Country Cocktails. Today, Jack Daniel’s is a true global icon found in more than 170 countries around the world and is the most valuable spirits brand in the world as recognized by Interbrand.

Please Drink Responsibly.

Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey, 40% alc. by vol. Jack Daniel Distillery, Lynchburg, Tennessee. JACK DANIEL’S is a registered trademark. ©2024 Jack Daniel’s. All rights reserved.

About the Armed Services YMCA:

The Armed Services YMCA (ASYMCA) is the oldest military support organization in the United States, founded in 1861. The ASYMCA’s mission enhances the lives of active-duty junior-enlisted military members and their families in spirit, mind and body through programs relevant to the unique challenges of military life. In 2023, the ASYMCA engaged more than 291,000 military families and delivered more than 1.2 million points of service through its 12 Branches and 24 Affiliate Partners, serving more than 96 military installations across the U.S. To learn more about how the ASYMCA is “Strengthening Our Military Family,” visit www.asymca.org.

On the Other Side of Service

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It’s been 19 years since my husband re-joined the Army, and we were sent to Germany for four years. 18 years since I joined him, and he was deployed to Iraq for the first time. 10 years since we went from Army active duty to National Guard, and 10 months since he officially retired from the military. And this side of it feels a little bit normal and a little bit weird.

There was a time during his military service when I felt he was never home. There was always a long deployment, a training, or a monthly drill sending him away. He was always going to miss something. Big things like the birth of our second child or little things like a fun event at church. And everything in between.

There Are Huge Spaces in My Scrapbook Where He is Missing

There are huge spaces in my scrapbook where he is simply missing, and at times, it never felt like we would get to the point where we are today. A time when he would never go away. When he would never have to. When the military didn’t have a say. 

It’s been 10 months since his last drill. Last year, during his December drill, a tornado ripped through our city. I will never forget that. 

After 10 years of drill weekends, I developed a bit of a routine. There were lots of movies and TV shows he wouldn’t be interested in, Chinese food, and decluttering sessions. And now all that is over. He is home with us every weekend.

He Was Gone For So Much of My Children’s Younger Years

He was gone for so much of my children’s younger years. Birthdays, first steps, special needs diagnosis, vacations, and day-to-day life. 

But now he is here for all of it. All the big things and the little ones. 

As he retired from the National Guard, we didn’t have to think about where we would move. However, I hope we can eventually find a new place to call home. Since we were not day-to-day Army, that transition wasn’t as encompassing.

There Are Things I Am Getting Used In This New Normal

But beyond him going away for drill and other duties, there are a few other things I am getting used to.

Whenever we planned a trip, either as a family or solo, I always worried that something would come up and make us cancel. Like it did in 2020. Now, I no longer have that worry, and it’s hard to wrap my mind around. 

I sometimes miss being an Army wife and being in that community, but some of that has more to do with working full-time hours and my age. Still, I do feel disconnected from a community that was so much in my life for so many years.

Life Goes On, Seasons Change

But like anything else, life goes on. Seasons change, and things are different from how they used to be. Here, on the other side of military life, we are finding our new normal as husband and wife and family.

The me of 15 years ago dreamed of the day I would no longer have to miss my husband. That I would no longer fear so much for his safety. That I would no longer worry when the next deployment would hit or how I would get through it. And now here we are. On the other side of service. 

Are you a veteran spouse too? What has been the biggest adjustment?

On the other side of service

When Your Boyfriend Wants to Join the Military

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What You Should Do When Your Boyfriend Wants to Join the Military

So your boyfriend wants to join the military? What will that mean for your relationship?

You two have been dating for a few months, and everything seems good. You are falling for one another hard. But you have plans. You are going to graduate college and then try to find a job in your field. You hope that things keep going well for you and your boyfriend but you waiting to see how it goes. But then, one day, he says he needs to talk to you about something important.

He sits you down and says, “Babe, I think I want to join the military.”

You have been single for a while; then your friend introduces the two of you. You hit it off, and before you know it, you are on date number three. But then, he lets you know that next year he will be joining the Army.

You and your boyfriend just started your senior year; you have been together since you were 15 years old. You want to marry him. As you are figuring out what you will do after high school, he tells you he wants to sign up for the Air Force.

Any of these situations sound familiar? While there are many different ways to become a military spouse, hearing your boyfriend talk about enlisting in the military is the first step to one of them. If this is you, you might be a bit confused, a bit terrified, and a bit unsure of what you should do.

You want to support the man you love, but what does this mean for your future together?

Breathe

The first thing you want to do when your boyfriend tells you he wants to join the military is to take a deep breath. This doesn’t have to mean the end of you two. In fact, joining the military could be a very good thing.

Try not to jump to conclusions quite yet. You need to figure out his plan first. You need some time to think about if this is what you want for your future too.

Find out what his plan is

Talk to your boyfriend about what their plan is. How long do they want to serve for? Do they just want to do so for a few years? Is this going to be a 20-year commitment? When will they leave? Do they know that yet?

Knowing what your boyfriend wants will help you understand what his decision will mean for you. You will be able to plan your future. You will be able to start picturing yourself in his life after he joins. And you need to try to do that to decide if this life is right for you too.

Are you committed? 

This is a difficult question. You might love this man, but you might not want to commit to this life. This happens sometimes, and it isn’t even unique to military relationships. Sometimes a couple can’t make things work because life takes you in different directions.

As his girlfriend, you should take things slow. Are you committed to being in a long-distance relationship with him? Can you be supportive of his decision or will you give him grief about it along the way? If this is what he wants to do for the next 20 years, would you be able to handle life as a military spouse if your relationship later led to marriage?

Take the long road or not

Make sure you two talk about what the decision to join the military means for your relationship. Find out what your boyfriend wants and what he is expecting. Talk about how important it is for you two to stay together through this.

For some, the decision to join the military will be too much, for others joining the military will mean new adventures that they will be able to navigate. If you talk to any military spouse, you will find that almost every single one of them has worried about how they will handle this life. But in the end, they do, because they love and support the person they are married to.

As a girlfriend, you have more choices before you head down the military life road. If you truly don’t think you can commit to this person, don’t. Because really, that is what it comes down to. Can you commit to a deeper relationship with the person you are currently dating? Some people can; some people can’t.

With any relationship, there will be times when you have to compromise. Being with a service member means you will have to do that often. Can you handle that?

What advice would you give to someone whose boyfriend wants to join the military? 

10 Tips For a Military Spouse Getting Ready to Go Through This Holiday Season With a Deployed Spouse

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It’s almost November, that means the holiday season is right around the corner. November brings colder weather, sweaters, hot chocolate, lighted fireplaces, and Thanksgiving. December brings Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years, and snowy days.

This time of year is festive and made for families, but what happens when your spouse is deployed? What do you do when Thanksgiving this year is just you and your three-year-old, while your husband is serving overseas? How do you get excited about Christmas when you know the whole day you will be missing the love of your life? How do you get through the holidays when all you want to do is spend your first Christmas together, but you can’t because they are away on the other side of the world?

Here are ten tips for a military spouse getting ready to go through this holiday season with a deployed spouse:

1. Decorate like you normally would

Set up the tree, put out your decorations, and get your home looking like you usually do during this time of year. Just because your spouse is gone, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t decorate. You might even want to buy a few new decorations this season. Keeping your home festive will help with your mood, even if you are missing your spouse.

2. Focus on your daily work

Whether you work outside the home, work from home, or stay at home with the kids, focus on what you have to do each day. Don’t slack off on what you need to be doing. Focusing on your work will keep you busy and allow time to pass.

3. Plan to Facetime

Facetime or Skype as often as you can during this time of year. Even if you only chat for a few minutes. Seeing one another or getting excited about the holidays together can help your mood.

10 Tips For a Military Spouse Getting Ready to Go Through This Holiday Season With a Deployed Spouse

4. Send an amazing holiday package

Put together an amazing holiday care package for your spouse. Include some Christmas treats or anything you know they would love. You can fill a stocking, make baked goods, or just include some of their favorite items to help them celebrate the holidays, even when they are away from home.

5. Volunteer

If you can, spend time volunteering during this time of year. A lot of organizations are in need of helpers this time of year. You could volunteer at a soup kitchen, work to bring gifts to those who can’t afford them, or just be there to step in within your community. Giving back is a way to get the focus off of what you are missing and to help others.

6. Spend it with family

If you can, plan a trip back home. No, it will not be the same since your spouse is deployed but it can still be a fun holiday. Your kids can be around family and see what Christmas was like for your growing up.

10 Tips For a Military Spouse Getting Ready to Go Through This Holiday Season With a Deployed Spouse

7. Spend it with friends

If you can’t go home, find some friends in a similar boat as you are. Make plans to hang out during Thanksgiving or Christmas. You don’t have to spend all of Christmas day together but coming together on that day for a meal or even dessert can be good for all of you.

8. Open presents over Skype

If your spouse is deployed over Christmas or Hanukkah, you can film or Facetime/Skype while you are opening presents. This can be a way to bring in your deployed spouse to the day. One option is to set up your video camera to record the whole thing. This is nice when you have young children and your spouse still wants to see the joy of Christmas as they open their gifts.

9. Let the kids help

Let your kids help you decorate. Have them put the ornaments on the tree or come up with a different holiday theme. If you know they won’t want to eat a traditional meal, do something different. You can do whatever you want to have those special memories with your kids.

10. Celebrate early, or late

As military families, sometimes you will need to celebrate early or late. If they are going to deploy in November or December, celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas early. Do everything you would typically do, but on a different day. That way when the actual holiday rolls around you know that you were able to celebrate together anyway.

Remember, if they are gone this holiday season, they will probably be home the next. Try not to think they are missing a huge part of life. It might feel like they are at the moment, but in the grand scheme of things, it is simply one year.

You can still have a fantastic holiday season, even if you are missing them. What tips do you have for surviving the holiday season without your spouse?

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

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So happy to have this guest post by Victoria on loneliness and what you can do about it during military life. Please email me at Julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com and let me know if you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life too.

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

“I’m having trouble fitting in around here.”

“How can I make friends at this new base?”

I see these comments or variations on many military spouse websites. And, of course, the pandemic didn’t help the feeling of loneliness and isolation. If you are a MilSpo, you have felt this at one time or another. You’ve just moved to a new location. You haven’t had time to explore your new community or meet the neighbors, what with unpacking boxes and enrolling the kids in their new school, and getting them settled.

When we moved to Oklahoma in 2009, my adult daughter was concerned because we had been there for a few months, and I wasn’t talking about any new friends yet. I’m uber extroverted, so for me not to be relating stories about all the new friends I’d made by now was disconcerting for her.

The problem was that we only had one car, and we didn’t live on base, so it was harder for me to get around and meet people. I assured her I was okay, and I had a lunch date with a group of women the next day. Life was good, although I was more than ready to get my social life going.

I’m afraid my advice for counteracting loneliness might not sit well with introverts. However, it is necessary if you want to get the most out of your military assignment. 

Get Out: You have to get out of your house and introduce yourself to your neighbors—whether you live on base or post. People are busy, so the days when neighbors stopped by with a plate of cookies are rare, even though their intentions might be good. In Oklahoma, I made the cookies and took them to the neighbors to introduce myself.

Join In: Join, join, join anything that interests you: spouse clubs, chapel groups, the PTA at your children’s school. Anywhere you can find like-minded people. Spouse clubs usually have smaller clubs such as book clubs, Bunko, golf, bowling, Mahjong — just about anything you are interested in doing.

Volunteer: When you help out others, you are helping yourself as well. So many organizations on base can use your help, and I’ve made some of my closest friends through volunteering. Check with your Family Readiness Center for volunteer opportunities on your installation.

Do It: I can hear some of you already saying you are shy and have a tough time putting yourself out there. My response is to say, “too bad. Suck it up and do it anyway.” Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is necessary to make an effort to find your niche if you want to get the most enjoyment out of your life as a MilSpo. And remember, the more you do it, the easier it gets!

Loneliness: The Military Spouse’s Companion

Victoria Terrinoni is the author of “Where You Go, I Will Go: Lessons From a Military Spouse,” available on Amazon. Her husband, Dave, retired in 2018 after 31 years in the Air Force. They live in central Illinois so that they can spoil two of their four grandchildren. She has a blog about her military life at https://victoriaterrinoni.wordpress.com