Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

military life

The Military Spouse Superpower You Can’t Live Without

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The Military Spouse Superpower You Can't Live WithoutThe Military Spouse Superpower You Can’t Live Without

My husband was going to be home in June. He had left the August before. It was April, and the weather in Germany was slowly warming up. If you have ever been through a longer deployment, you know how important the change of seasons can be. My husband left the end of summer which quickly turned to fall and then winter. Now that the weather was warming up, the deployment was coming to an end. Two months to go.

So, what does a military spouse do with just TWO months left of deployment? She looks for a cute homecoming outfit. Since he would be coming home in June, I wanted to get a summer dress. I wanted something fun and comfortable. I went online and finally found my dress. I didn’t hit order. I am not sure why. I just didn’t. I wanted to sleep on the decision or wait a few days to make sure I wanted that dress.

The next day, everything changed. They were no longer coming home in June. They told us October with whispers of that really meaning November. I was heartbroken. I was thankful I didn’t order that dress. The dress would have just been a reminder of what had happened. My husband’s deployment was extended. He ended up coming home the day before Thanksgiving. That was not summer. That was not the day in June we thought he would be home.

At the time, I was crushed. If this happened today, I would still be crushed. Nothing can prepare you for something like that.

But as the years have gone on, I have figured out more and more that flexibility is a must as a military spouse. Flexibility needs to become your superpower. It needs to be something you take with you through each deployment, each duty station and each step of military life.

Things will never go the way you think they should go. They won’t even go the way they say they are supposed to at first. You will be told one thing, plan for that and then something else will happen.

Military life is having a plan. Then a new plan. Then another plan. Then the first plan. Then a brand new plan only to go back to the 2nd plan.

 

When plans change as they do in military life, you have to be flexible. You have to be able to shake things off and roll with what is going on. This does not mean you have to be happy all the time or look forward to all the changes, it just means you have to come up with a way to be flexible and a way to deal with all the changes that will come.

Here are some ideas:

Talk Things Out

Find a good friend you can talk to about what you are dealing with. Whether you are waiting on orders for a PCS or waiting to hear when your spouse is actually going to deploy, talking things out with a good friend is the best thing to do. Most likely they have been there or will be there someday too so they can relate to your struggles. Be a good friend and allow your people to talk to you about what they are going through. Find friends who won’t just tell you to deal but who can help you become more flexible.

Write In Your Journal

A journal or diary is such a great idea. I have been keeping one since I was in high school. Whenever you are frustrated or upset about a change, write in your journal. Get your feelings all out there. Trust me, that will help. You can also go back through old entries to remind yourself how things worked out in the past. This can help you in the future.

Expect That Things Might Change

If you expect that there could be changes, you will be able to handle them a little easier. You will know not to put all your eggs in one basket. The problem I have is that I am a planner and I want everything done as soon as possible. If you told me we are going to PCS somewhere, I wanted to go online right away and research everything. Even if we didn’t have orders in hand. Taking a step back and waiting until things are for sure is difficult.

The Military Spouse Superpower You Can't Live WithoutYour Military Spouse Superpower

I think as a military spouse you must have superpowers. Traits that will get you through anything. You might not be born with these superpowers; you might need to develop them over time. Flexibility is one of these and without it, your military spouse journey is going to be a lot more difficult. If flexibility doesn’t come naturally to you, work on that. Understand you will need to know how to be flexible during your life as a military spouse and even after. Learning this skill will help you for the rest of your life.

Do you struggle with flexibility? What has helped you along the way?

 

What To Think About Before You Marry Someone In The Military

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What To Think About Before You Marry Someone In The Military

 

What To Think About Before You Marry Someone In The Military

Whatever situation you are in or whatever situation you have been in, you did have to make the decision to become a military spouse. You had to decide that YES, you wanted to spend your life with someone who is in the military. That YES, you wanted to become his wife or her husband which meant becoming a military spouse and everything that would include.

So, what does being married to someone in the military mean? What would life be like to marry your boyfriend who is now a soldier? What does it mean when your husband of five years wants to join the Marines? What would it mean to marry the person you are in love with knowing that marrying them meant moving across the country and living as a military spouse?

Here are some things you need to think about when trying to make this decision:

Saying Goodbye Will Be A Part Of Your Life

No matter who you are or what type of military spouse you are, you will have to say goodbye and often. You will have to sleep alone. You will have to wait for orders and your future. This is all a part of military life. How long they are gone and how often they will go can vary but the truth is, you will have to say goodbye to your spouse on a regular basis. If you can’t even imagine that being a part of your life, you are going to have a difficult time as a military spouse.

You Will Have To Be Away From Home

If your spouse is going to be going Active duty, you most likely will have to move away from home. In some cases, you can try to stay if your home is near a military installation or if your spouse does some type of duty that allows him to live close by to where you are from. However, in most cases, you will not be able to stay there for their entire career and you will have to move away. You could end up across the country, across the world or just the next state over. You never really know and sometimes you don’t get a say, especially as they move up in rank.

The Kid Thing

Ahh, kids. When you are thinking about the future and having kids, do you think about how your spouse might not be there? It’s a sad reality that they might miss your pregnancy, the birth and the 1st year. They could miss the terrible 2s or kindergarten. They could miss out on so much and sometimes there is nothing you can do about that but accept that. Can you handle that? Some people don’t think they can. I thought I could and it was harder than I could have ever imagined. For some military couples, they don’t plan to have kids while in the military. Their plan is to have them later on in life and that is an option as well. However, a lot of people don’t want to wait on kids and many military families have them during those years when the service member might not always be home. You need to be prepared for that.

The “D” Word

Your spouse might deploy for just a few months at a time. They might deploy for a year. They might have to deploy too often or get frustrated that they are not able to go and do their job. Deployments are rough. From the pre-deployment stage to after they come home and everyone tries to get back to normal life. If there are no deployments there will be trainings or other reasons they have to go away for weeks or months at a time. There is no way around that.

The Community

I have talked about the hard parts of military life. The parts that make it difficult to want to commit to this life. The reasons some people get out of the military before they thought they would. But what about the good things about military life? The community of military spouses that you will become a part of. The thing is, as hard as life gets, you won’t be alone in going through them. Many other spouses would have gone through what you are going to have to go through. Many spouses get that and can offer a listening ear. You will make some of your closest friends as military spouses. Friends that will help you through solo parenting, deployments, pcsing and even retirement.

Is It Worth It?

Is military life worth it? Is your love worth it? Only you can answer that. Only you know what you can handle and what you can’t. I will tell you that if in your heart of hearts that you know you should be with this person, you should be with them whether that includes military life or not. That is a special kind of love and you don’t want to walk away from it because you are scared of the future or what military life is really going to be like.

Are you a new military spouse? Are you dating a service member?

What are you most worried about when it comes to committing to military life?

Feeling Homesick As A Military Spouse

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Feeling Homesick As A Military Spouse

When you become a military spouse you know you will have to move. Many times. You know that you won’t stay in the same place and you will probably be far from home.

However, nothing can ever really prepare you for living far away from your family, raising your children so they only see their grandparents once a year, even longer in some cases and just not being a part of everything like you thought you would.

Feeling Homesick As A Military Spouse

It’s very easy to feel homesick when you are a military spouse. Whether you are a 19-year-old newlywed leaving her home for the first time or a 38-year-old who hasn’t lived at home for 20 years but still feels that homesickness every now and then.

Your spouse will have to go where the military sends them. In most cases, you will go with them. Leaving behind what you have known in the past, going to a different state or even a different country and culture.

I was 18 years old when I moved 9 hours away from my parents. I was going off to college and I was ready to leave. I wanted to see the world. And in the years, that followed that is exactly what I did.

I met my husband and we moved to Kentucky, then Germany and then Tennessee. Because of the high cost of living in California, we can’t move back there, at least not right now. Homesickness comes and goes. Sometimes it can hit hard.

When we were overseas in Germany I was homesick more for the US then my hometown. I missed the things I was used to. That was difficult and I know that can be the challenging part of living overseas.

Not to mention it is that much harder for the family to visit and for you to visit home, especially if you do have a lot of children. Ideally, you would be able to focus on the country and culture you are in, enjoying every moment. However, real life can hit and the homesickness can overtake you.

Homesickness Can Hit You Hard

If you are just starting your military journey, remember that homesickness can hit you hard. When I first moved away from my parents, even though I was exactly where I wanted to be, I still struggled. It was hard to not be near any of my high school friends anymore. It was hard to make new friends. I was living on my own. It was all so different.

Expect that you will feel that homesickness, even if you were very excited to leave. You will miss people and things you didn’t think you would. The key is to accept your homesickness and then find ways to fall in love with your new surroundings. Find things to do and new places to explore. Work on making some new friends and embracing your new life.

You Can Never Go Home Again

A few years ago I was talking to someone about how badly I missed our church back in California. They brought up a good point. They said that what I missed was in the past and that doesn’t exist anymore.

That if I moved back to that area and went to that church again, it would be a different place. Time moved on for me and time moved on for them. Sometimes we miss places and time periods that are just not there anymore. Everyone gets older and changes and it is important to remember that.

So if somewhere down the line you can return home, know it will be different. I am hoping to move back to close to where I grew up but I have to remember it isn’t 1997 there anymore. It’s 2016 there too and lots of things have changed. My memories are not just sitting there waiting for me to go back to them.

Life Is An Adventure

Military life can be an adventure if you let it. Whether you are moving to Alaska or Florida. Whether you get to go overseas or you spend your spouse’s entire career in the US.

There are always new people to meet and experiences to enjoy that you would never have at home. Keep this in mind as you are feeling that homesickness. This is your life and you can make it a good one.

There is nothing wrong with missing your home, your family and your friends. That will happen. Then you will make new friends, they or you will move and you will miss them too. You will leave parts of your heart at every duty station you go to, even if you didn’t like it there at the time.

You will move forward and learn about different cultures and ways of doing things. You will grow as a person and become stronger and more independent. This time as a military spouse will cause you to grow into the person you are supposed to be.

Have you experienced homesickness? What have you done to help you get through it?

 

 

What You Should Know About The Reintegration Period After Deployment

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What You Should Know About The Reintegration Period After Deployment

Homecoming is amazing! That day is one of the best. You get to pick up your spouse. The deployment is over.

There are hugs and kisses and tears of happiness. You wait and wait and you can finally bring them home. You are on a high from the excitement. But what happens the next morning? What happens the next week? When things start to get hard or complicated?

One of the hardest parts of a deployment can be after they return. You, the spouse have spent all this time without them. You have a routine and now they are home. Sometimes they come home from war very broken and sometimes there is a lot to deal with.

From wanting to spend all of your time together to working hard on getting him back into your schedule, here are what some of my military spouse friends have to say about what was the hardest thing to deal with in the reintegration period after deployment:

Letting him out of my sight to do anything other than hang out and talk! I was SO clingy!- Joanna, Jo, My Gosh

For me the hardest part of that weird post-deployment time frame was that even though he is home, he’s still very much connected to the boat. He didn’t always get to come home right away. He still stood duty, still had to be at work every day even on weekends. I wanted him to BE HOME after a deployment, and it just never works out that way.- Jody, Homeport:Washington 

The hardest part for me was when I had a job too. They get a week of downtime when they first come home. It was hard getting up and still going to work knowing that I could be spending the entire day with him.- Pamela, The Coastie Couple

The Reintegration Period After Deployment

I think the hardest thing for me was just watching him reintegrate with the kids and our family. He was unfamiliar with schedules and what the kids were doing and thinking no matter how well connected I kept him. It was hard because I didn’t want to correct him. I wanted to just let him just merge back into life, and not take over. But in some respects I couldn’t. It was tricky.-Rheanna, Cammo Style Love

The hardest part for us was that underways still happen immediately after deployment. During our first deployment, they were only home for a month before they had to go back out there for training. It was just a reality we had to adapt to very quickly.- Malia, Wandering Malia

I think the hardest thing is when he tries to take over some of the tasks. I see it now in treatment for cancer. Like if there is something I can’t do, or did before, he doesn’t do it right lol, or he doesn’t do it on my schedule. Like when I was really weak during treatment, he would spend hours cleaning the kitchen, and then never vacuum.- Jodi

The hardest thing for me was immediately wanting tons of together time and realizing he wasn’t going to be able to just jump back into my normal. He needed some time to adjust, sleep, get back on a normal schedule and I was all bouncy puppy dog just wanting to love him. And when it wasn’t reciprocated in the way I was expecting, I didn’t know enough not to take it personally.- Rachel, Countdowns and Cupcakes

A hard thing for me was having to cook again. I hate cooking and I missed being able to have cereal for dinner.- Amber, Airing My Laundry

The Reintegration Period After Deployment

Two hardest things for me: #1- I got pregnant with our 2nd child right before he left and the baby was born only a few weeks after he came back. Adding 2 “new” people into our home in such a short period of time was a little overwhelming (especially when it came to doing laundry)! #2- Adjusting to not seeing my friends as much. I had become very connected to other wives in the unit and once our husbands came back those relationships were unfortunately never the same. They had become my support system and it was surprisingly difficult to shift that back to my husband.-Sarah,  Servant Mama

Each reintegration has been a bit different, but consistently I struggle a little with balancing a desire to do everything to keep him happy in those first few weeks/months and my need to stay sane. When he first comes home, he wants to eat out constantly, road trip, give our son all sorts of treats/stay up late/etc. Part of me wants to jump right in with him and just enjoy each other. But the reality is that our son needs some consistency and structure, my husband and I both do best with a little breathing room, work still has to happen and all those mundane daily tasks that keep a household running need to happen. I have to insist without getting resentful and he needs to be flexible while reminding me it’s okay to relax. We did better with our most recent one and that was in large part because we communicated more effectively before he came home about plans and schedules so we had a better handle on what to expect.- Kristen, If The Saddle Fits

He had terrible depth perception after six months at sea on a submarine. I couldn’t let him drive the first few days until he got reacquainted with that strange bright orb in the sky.- Patricia,

I’m the soldier and mother. The hardest was having to start doing all the routine and endless tasks of taking care of a home and children. Some things I used to love seemed tedious. But my family was so patient and understanding! I have so much respect for the spouses and family that support their soldiers!- Tamara, Enlisted Mom

I have a really hard time figuring out the balance between giving him enough alone time and completely smothering him with my presence. We are both so used to doing things alone, from watching TV to deciding on what to eat for dinner…so when he returns I want to involve him in all those decisions, I want to cook together, I want to be together. I am a clingy, obnoxious pest. He struggles with figuring out how to make me happy with balancing all this new togetherness. We’ve both learned after a series of (almost) back to back deployments not to take anything the other does during those first weeks back personally, but I still just want more of “us time”. Being that I also work full time, I don’t get to have a week of leave as soon as he gets back so I tend to really monopolize the time that we do have off together, forgetting that he also needs to sleep, unwind and readjust. – Molly, Love the Everyday

The Reintegration Period After Deployment

The hardest thing for both of us was establishing a new normal. Realizing that we had changed and grown over our 10 months apart. I had started a professional job and now had requirements that didn’t allow me to have time off when he did. I also had to learn what thing I wanted to give and what things I want to continue. It was alot more challenging than I expected. I wrote an entire post on the experience here.- Elizabeth, The Reluctant Landlord

The hardest part for me was not taking out the trash. It sounds so mundane, but you get so used to doing EVERYTHING that something as simple as letting them take the trash out, was hard for me to relinquish. It’s so important for them to feel needed again and something as simple as the trash is just one more way to get back to normal.- Kayla, The Navy Mom

The hardest part was teaching him to adjust to the children…-Trista, A Purpose Driven Wife

The hardest thing for me is realizing he can be a big help, but he isn’t going to do it my way. For months, I go on with life doing things the way I want them to be done, but then all of a sudden, he comes back and he will go back to how it used to be done. We have always approached things differently, but it is really magnetized when he comes home. And he likes to rearrange the furniture.- Kim, 1200 Miles Away

Just knowing how much he missed during our son’s first year. He left when he was 10 days old and returned when he was 14 months old.-Karen, And Then We Laughed

We didn’t have any big issues. It was more me having to adjust to him upsetting our schedule and routine. I had to take someone else’s opinion to mind instead of just doing what I wanted to do.-Kara, Ramblings of a Marine Wife

What was the hardest part of those first few weeks during reintegration after a deployment?

A Deployment Tool Kit: What You Need To Get Through A Deployment

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A Deployment Tool Kit: What You Need To Get Through A Deployment

The time has come and your spouse has left for a deployment. You’re feeling a little out of sorts. You haven’t fully accepted that he is actually gone and now you have three, six or nine months ahead of you. Months of a deployment where you will not see your husband. Where you will be both mom and dad for your kids and where you know the loneliness will set in. How will you get through a deployment?

A Deployment Tool Kit: What You Need To Get Through A Deployment

In order to get through this season, you are going to need to have a deployment toolkit. In the kit, you will keep the things that will help you while he is gone. Everyone’s toolkit is going to look a bit different but here are some ideas to help you get ready to conquer your upcoming deployment.

Good Friends

Having someone you can depend on during a deployment is so important. This can be hard to find sometimes because you might have just moved to your duty station right before the deployment or your best friend might have just moved away right before it starts.

The key is finding places to go, to take yourself and your kids where you can meet other people. Think about groups or clubs that you would enjoy and go to them. Be friendly and let people know you are new or would like to set up a playdate. This is hard I know, especially if you are on the shy side but it can be worth doing in order to find a good friend to go through a deployment with.

Patience

I don’t have a lot of patience, especially during a deployment. But I need to have it if I don’t want to drive myself nuts. I need to have patience with the timetables, with the changing dates, with my kids and even my house. Sometimes even my dog. This is hard but I know I need to step back, take a deep breath and work on my patience.

Good Food and Drink

For some people, this is a good cup of coffee. I never really felt I needed coffee every day until our first deployment, then it was a must. Other people prefer tea or Dr. Pepper or a nice glass of wine. Just have something in your house that can make you feel good on a bad day.

You can apply this to food too. Sometimes a nice bowl of ice cream is a good way to end a stressful day. Be careful, though. Stress eating is a thing and the deployment might be a good time to break that habit. Make a nice salad or try a new food you didn’t think you would like.

Books and Other Hobbies

Reading books, watching movies, tv, going on walks, working on your hobbies, etc, all of these will help you through a deployment. Focusing on your hobbies will help keep you busy. You can also work on your career, work on going to school or do something to better yourself.

The best thing to do is make a list of all the things you want to do while your spouse is gone. You won’t finish that list but it will give you tons of ideas and allow you to fill up your time. A good book can take you out of a funk and get you interested in something else besides just missing your spouse. I love to read to help me through a stressful period of time.

The Ability to Laugh

You really have to be able to laugh at military life. It’s not that things are funny, it’s that if you take everything too seriously, life is just going to get too hard. Don’t be afraid to laugh. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at the situation. See that thing will get better in the long run. Don’t be afraid to have fun while he is gone and make a life for yourself.

A Journal

Writing in a journal can help you get your feelings and thoughts out. If you haven’t ever written in one before, a deployment is a good place to start. Some couples like to keep one together. One will write in it for a week and then send it to the other and back again. This is a great way to connect during a deployment. Looking back at your old journals and reading about old struggles can help you get through your current ones.

A Haven

You need a safe place where you can go when you just need a moment. This can be your home, a room in your home, even a corner. I like to turn my bedroom into this place. I want the area comfortable with soft lighting. I want it to be a place I can retreat when I just can’t take it anymore. A place to relax, cry and figure out how to get out of my funk.

Deployments are going to stress you out which is why you need the right tools to help you through one.

What is in your deployment toolbox? How do you get through a deployment?

Want a free Guide for the First 30 Days of a Deployment???

What to Expect When You Are A Military Spouse

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What to Expect When You Are A Military Spouse

What to Expect When You Are A Military Spouse

Each of us is on our own journey as a military spouse but at the same time, we all experience a lot of similar events and feelings to go with them. Although this “cycle” is not true for every military spouse out there, it is true for a lot of us. When you know what to expect during your time as a military spouse, the easier things are going to be.

Military Life Will Change You

Your Duty Station

As a new military spouse, your first introduction to military life is arriving at your first duty station. This could mean getting packed up after basic training and moving to your new home with your spouse or it could mean moving on post after your wedding even though you have lived in that area for a while. This could also mean having access to the post but living in an apartment or house off post. This will be the first time you see military life in action. You will start to understand how things work. You will learn about the Commissary, the PX, MWR, where the parks are, where your spouse will work and anything else to do being around the military. You will learn a lot at your first duty station. Everything will be new but you will figure things out.

Deployment News

Sometimes you will have a few months, others will have a few years but eventually, you will hear news of a deployment or other type of training your spouse will have to go to. For us, this happened right after we arrived at our first duty station. He deployed about five months later. It’s difficult to hear the news that your spouse is going to have to deploy. Preparing for the deployment is very emotional. Then you have to say goodbye and work hard to get through each and every day. You want to stay busy but you will still have that deployment ache, no matter how busy you are.

Starting A Deployment

 

Homecoming

Whether they are gone for just two months or for over a year, homecoming is going to be a great day. You will spend time getting ready, you will get butterflies, you will get nervous,  you will feel the sweet relief that only comes knowing they are no longer in a war zone. The time after deployment can be tricky but homecoming is the end of the separation and something to be celebrated.

End Of a Deployment, Military Homecoming

 

“Normal” life

After they get home there will be a period of time where you try to get back to “normal” life. You will work hard to get through the reintegration period. This period can be very difficult for some couples and it is important to find help if you need it. The military does offer some help right after they get home but make sure to ask for more if you and your spouse need it. There should be no shame in that. “Normal” life won’t look the way it did before. You have changed and so has he. It will never be like it was before the deployment. You will be changed.

Time to PCS

Unless you stay at the same duty station for longer than 2-3 years you will probably end up pcsing before he would deploy again. This time, you might move overseas or to the other side of the country. Maybe you will be closer to home or going to a part of the country you have anyways wanted to explore. Be excited! Look forward to where you are going. You will have to wait for orders and then they might get changed. You might think you are headed to Germany, you will plot out all the day trips you are going to take once you get there and then the orders will get changed to Florida and you won’t know what is going on. Plans change, especially when it comes to PCSing. You have to just go with it and be patient. Hurry up and wait.

Military Wife Makes Plans

 

Bye to Friends

With every PCS comes having to say goodbye to your friends. Those people who stood by you during the deployment, your neighbors, your children’s friends. It’s hard to say goodbye. And if you are not the one pcsing at the moment, your friends will be the ones to move. Military life is a never ending cycle of meeting new people and then having to say goodbye after a time. You never get used to doing this, you just find ways to make things a little easier on yourself when it does happen and you find ways to stay in touch when you are no longer living in the same place.

What to do before you PCS

 

Repeat

You are now at a new duty station and the process will start all over again. Only this time, when deployment orders come, you will know a little bit more about what to expect. You might have another child this time. You will be more seasoned and you will be able to offer advice to others. Right before our first deployment I was talking with my FRG leader and she explained a lot of what things would be like. At the time I had no idea. Now, ten years later I know a lot more then I did back then.

Military life is an adventure. Sometimes it is good and exciting, others times it disappoints and you are not sure how you are going to get through the next few months. Remember, things change. People change. Life changes. Where you are today will not be where you are next year or the year after. Make friends and work with your husband to get through any issues you are dealing with. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and be you as you navigate your military spouse journey.

Military Spouse is made of

 

 

Leave me a comment and let me know how long you have you been living the military spouse life?

You Sent Them To War, Don’t Cut Our Benefits

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Military cuts are in the news these days and they sting when they hit close to home. Sometimes I get really angry about it. From my limited understanding and after being a military spouse for the last ten years it seems like there are other places they could cut. I wonder why they even go after programs that can help military families? We are the ones that are supporting our service member. We are the ones waiting back at home while they complete their mission. If you send them to war, why do you think it is okay to cut our benefits?

You Sent Them To War, Don't Cut Our Benefits

 

If it was up to me I would ensure that every military family has what they need. When it comes to the people I want to vote for, I look for those that want these things too. They are important to me as a military spouse and I think they are important to you too.

Good Medical Care

I know how hard it can be to find good and affordable health insurance but one of the benefits of being in the Military is that you do get healthcare for you and your family and for good reason. If you are off in a war zone, you want to know your family is going to be taken care of. The problem is, cuts always seem to come to Tricare and they hurt. Currently, they want to cut ABA. Not good. We used ABA for our son and we were so thankful for that care. I hate that people think they should be cutting those services. It’s also frustrating to hear when people have trouble getting help for their kids or care for themselves because of different cuts that have been happening. Military families should not have to worry about healthcare.

Good Schools

All military children should have access to good schools. Whether this means on post or off post. If the schools in the area around post are not a good place to send a child, there should be a way for parents to take their children to the on post schools.  I think parents should feel good about the schools their kids are able to go to. On post schools should be very aware of who their students are. Switching zoning around every year is simply not a good idea. Military kids move often anyway, why make them change schools in between a tour? I have heard stories of situations happening in on post schools and it doesn’t make a lot of sense why they are doing what they do. Our experience with off post schools has been good overall here but that isn’t always the case with military families. Having a lot of resources that can help military families find the right school is a good thing.

Good Support

Hearing that services like the MWR or ACS are being cut makes me sad. Military spouses and families need extra support, especially during deployments. We need access to events to pass the time, places to learn and childcare. That can help the spouse get through a challenging time as well as providing a place to make new friends.  While there are other ways to make friends and find support in the military community, it is a good thing to have these services for spouses and I hate to see them being cut because of lack of funds. This makes me think that those who are in charge of what is being cut have no idea what these services can do for military spouses.

Good Housing

All military families should be able to live in safe and affordable housing. It doesn’t have to be brand new or really big, it just needs to be safe and a good place for people to raise their families. Each family usually has a choice about if they want to live on post or off post. This is something to really think about. There are positives and negatives to both. The military does have some checks for finding places off post. Some rentals are blacklisted which is helpful for knowing who to stay away from when looking for a place to rent. There have been horror stories of on post living where people have gotten sick or have been put in run down housing that has not been taken care of. This is not okay. Military families should always have a comfortable place to live.

Military families

When I think of what our family has gone through and what other families have gone through I know that this military life is full of stressful situations. I know that sending someone to war is a challenging and emotional thing to have to do and that benefits make such a big difference to the morale of the families. I just hope that if the military does need to make cuts it will not be at the expense of the military family.

 

 

When Moving Back To The United States From Overseas Is Hard

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We have been back from Germany a little over six years now. It was quite the change to go from a small village in Germany to Clarksville, Tennessee and the USA. I was so ready to be back in the states after four years. I think I kissed the ground when I got off the plane. I was home.

When moving back to the US from overseas is hard

Being stationed overseas is a dream for a lot of people. A chance to see another part of the world, to explore and to open up to other ways of living. The military can send a family that has never been out of the midwest and allow them the chance of a lifetime. But hardly anyone can stay overseas forever. I have some friends that have been able to stay for five-ten years but most people do come back to the states and have to figure out American life again.

That first week back was like living in a dream. Nothing seemed real. Nothing was familiar. Everything was confusing and it took some time to get used to living back in the United States. I think it took about two years before I stopped asking if a certain place accepted a credit card. “Yes Julie, most places do.”

This can be a challenging time. Some people are able to bounce back rather quickly and others have difficulty doing so. If you are getting ready for a move back home from an overseas location, this is what you might experience:

The Culture

When you live overseas you learn to live in another culture. Even if you live on post and don’t explore as much as you should. It is still all around you. You get used to the slower pace, the way the people are, the things they value. You become a part of it as well. Then you move back and you realize how different it can really be. There is a thing called “reverse culture shock.” This is when you come back from another culture and have trouble getting used to the culture you were raised in. You can also struggle with missing certain things so much that you think they are better than they really are. Once you get home and have them again, there is a bit of a let down because you were expecting something a lot better.

pcs to germany

The Military Community

The military community overseas is very different from the military community stateside. Overseas is more tight-knit. It has to be. People are not going home on the weekends. It is hard to have a life outside of the military. You have to depend on the military for a lot of things like your mail, American food and even education for your children. If you live off-post in the states you don’t have to depend on the military for as much. If there is a deployment, the community really bands together to get through it. It is different in the states. When you move back you will feel that loss and it can be a hard one. You no longer have your community. The one that helped get you through your struggles, the one you had fun with and explored another country with, the one who understood what it was like to be so far from home. That is hard to get over and hard to get back into military life without as tight of a community.

Spending Money

In most places overseas you don’t have as many choices. When I visited California in 2009, I stopped at a grocery store on the way home from the airport. I needed to buy some diapers. I stood in that aisle for about 20 minutes because I had the hardest time with all the choices. Back in Germany, there were only a couple choices for diapers. In the grocery store I was in, there were, at least, ten, maybe more. I couldn’t even wrap my mind around what I was looking at. In the states, you have a lot more choices from where to shop to where to eat. It can feel so overwhelming and it is easy to overspend. You also lose your COLA which is your cost of living allowance that you get while stationed overseas. This can be hard for some families. They say not to depend on that money when you are getting it but most people do anyway.

Feeling too Busy

A lot of overseas living is much slower paced than in the states. Where we were in Bavaria most places were closed on Sundays and they had a lot of holidays. You were not even allowed to wash your car on Sundays. When we moved back to the states life felt so busy. There was always so much more going on. Some of that I think was because my son didn’t start Kindergarten until after we moved back but I think the other part was just how much more relaxed things can be in other places. This can take some time to get used to as well because it is just a different way to live your life. In Germany, if go out to eat you have to hunt down your server when you are ready to pay. In the states, most places want to rush you out as soon as they can. It is all very different.

stationed in germany

Coming back to the states from an overseas tour is going to be complicated. Give yourself some time to adjust. Try to remember that you will find your place even if it takes a while. We have been back for six years and although I miss parts of my time in Germany, I feel used to the US now. It took a while but we got to that point. I am used to living here again. And you will get there too.

Have you struggled coming back from an overseas tour? What was the hardest part for you?