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What To Do When Your Spouse Gets Last Minute Deployment Orders

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What To Do When Your Spouse Gets Last Minute Deployment Orders

Deployments are a part of life for the military spouse. Although you might go a few years in between, you are usually not surprised when you find out your spouse is going to have to go on one. Usually, you have some time to prepare. Some people know even a year before the deployment, most people find out with a few months to prepare.

What To Do When Your Spouse Gets Last Minute Deployment Orders

Every once in a while, a deployment gets scheduled at the last minute. As you are working on planning your summer, you could find out that your husband has to deploy in early June. After booking a trip home for Christmas, you find out your spouse is going to be deployed two weeks before. A last minute deployment can knock the wind out of you but know you will be able to handle what is to come.

Here is what you can do when your spouse gets last minute deployment orders:

 

  • Breathe- When you first hear that your spouse is actually going to deploy, you will feel like your heart has stopped. You might be thinking about how he wasn’t supposed to go or how he had just returned home not too long before. You might be thinking about what he was going to miss and feeling like you needed more time to prepare for this news. This is all normal. Deployments are no joke but remember to breathe. Take some time for yourself to adjust to the news. Go for a run, write in your journal or talk with a friend. Getting used to the idea of a deployment takes time and if they received last-minute deployment orders, you won’t have much time to adjust to what is about to happen.
  • Cry- If you need to cry, do so. It really is okay. A lot of people need to cry it out in order to accept what is to come. I know that is how I cope with these types of things. Crying is how I can get my pain out and how I can focus on the next step. If you first reaction to a deployment is to cry into your spouse’s arms, do so. That doesn’t mean you don’t support them. It just means you are having a hard time with the news and you will need to figure out how you can get through it.
  • Plan- Planning for a deployment is important, even if you only have a few days to do so. Look at how long they are supposed to be gone and make a plan for each month. Focus on you and your family. You will want to stay busy during the deployment and doing so requires a little bit of planning. If you can, plan a fun trip halfway through or even a party to celebrate that you have made it that far through the deployment.
  • Think of the positives- Every deployment has positives. You might have to look hard for them but they are there. Were you in need of a new car? Maybe the deployment pay can help with that. Saving for a house? Deployment pay can help you get into one faster. Think about the benefits of a deployment and focus on those. More time to read, more time to work out and fewer clothes to wash each week.
  • Connect- Find other military spouses to connect with. This will help with the deployment and accept that it is actually coming. If you know any of the other spouses that will also be dealing with this deployment too, make a plan for a lunch or dinner before or right after the deployment starts. Getting through a deployment will be easier with friends by your side. You will also need people to help support you while your spouse is gone.

deployment support

No one wants a last minute deployment but they can happen. If this has happened to you, know that you can get through this just like you would if you had more time. In some ways, not having as long to worry about the deployment could be a blessing in the end.

Has your spouse received last minute deployment orders? How did you handle that?

Questions to Ask Before They Re-Enlist in the Military

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Questions to Ask Before They Re-Enlist in the Military

Questions to Ask Before They Re-Enlist in the Military

Re-enlisting! For some, re-enlisting is a done deal. They don’t have to question the decision. They are in the military the for the long haul. 20+ years is the plan and that is what they intend to do. For others, re-enlisting is a challenging decision to make. There is always a lot to think about. Some couples will go back and forth on the decision for months and months.

Here are some questions you and your spouse can ask before they make the decision to re-enlist or not…

1. Do they enjoy the military? One big factor that is important is that the person signing up for the military somewhat enjoys what they are doing. If not, they are going to be miserable. There is a lot about the military that is difficult and frustrating for both the spouse and the service member, however, at the end of the day, does your service member like what they do? Do they accept the military for what it is and still want to put on that uniform? If so, re-enlisting is probably the right choice.

2. What about the kids? Do you have kids? How do they handle military life? Do you want to have children but want to wait until military life is over? Is it time to move on to your post-military life because of that? You know your own children and what they need. You know what military life will be like for them. Think about what would be best and if going on in the military is the best choice for the whole family.

3. Is this best for their career? Every service member is on a career path. Do they have 12 years in? Would it be better to finish out their 20 years before they did something else? Trying to figure out what to do for a career is a challenge. Do they want to give up the military path for something different or do they want to continue on in the military, move up the ranks and see their career go that way?

4. Age? Age can make a difference. If your spouse is 22, that is the same age a lot of people are when they graduate college. That is a good age to start over and do something else. It’s a lot harder to start a new career when you are in your late 30s or 40s. On the other hand, if they are older, they might find the military harder on their body and will wish to change to something a little less physical.

5. What else would you do? If your service member is going to get out of the military, they need to figure something else to do. This can be challenging. The military can be very different from the civilian world. Some people do have an idea of what they want to do and others have a more difficult time finding something that works.

6. Should you change your MOS? Sometimes re-enlisting for a different MOS is the best thing to do. Your service member might want a change or feel like a different MOS might make their experience in the military a little better. If this is something they are thinking about, talk about the different MOS choices and figure out which one would be the best to look into.

Trying to decide on re-enlisting can be difficult. Sometimes you just know when it is time to leave and other times it can be a bit more complicated than that.

Are you and your spouse trying to decide what to do about their future in the military? How do you figure out whether to re-enlist or not?

How Deployments Taught Me About the Importance of Family Time with DAV

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How Deployments Taught Me About the Importance of Family Time with DAV

Military Couple

Deployments

My husband has been home from his last deployment for almost three years now. He deployed 4 times to both Iraq and Afghanistan within 7 years. He left for the first time in 2006, returning at the end of 2007. He then deployed again in 2008, 2011 and 2013. He returned from what might have been his very last deployment in December of 2013.

Over the years since then, we have been able to get back to a more normal life. Although he has worked in civilian jobs where he has been away at times and he has his monthly guard duties, he has not been away for an extended amount of time since 2013. As a wife, I am very happy about this. As a mother, I am glad my boys don’t have to miss their father anymore.

During all our deployments, I learned a lot about myself. I learned how to be more patient, that the little things don’t matter quite as much and that family time is precious.

Family Time is Important

Now that deployments are in my past, I look at our time together as something we sometimes had to go without. Whether we are all just hanging out together at home, going to the park or the movies or out on a day trip, I never want to forget what it was like to not have that.

There were plenty of weekends where I sat in my house alone with little children while I watched friends and even family spend time together. There have been plenty of times I have turned down invitations and not been able to go places because it was too difficult to do as the only parent. My husband has missed anniversaries and all the other holidays at one point or another.

These days, I try to plan for our family to do something together every weekend. We take advantage of what our community has to offer and enjoy going to parks and sometimes out to see a new movie. We took a lot of pool trips together this summer. We haven’t been able to travel too much lately but I’m hoping for a trip in the future that we can take together.

When you are able to spend that family time together on a regular basis, you are able to create memories with your children in a different way than when one of their parents is gone.

After four deployments, I am always aware of how special family time can be. I hope that I will never take advantage of being able to have my husband home with us on a regular basis. When he isn’t home, the days are just not the same. Deployments can be hard on a military spouse but I have learned that they can also help you become a better person with a different perspective on life.

DAV Victories for Veterans

America’s veterans achieve personal victories overcoming challenges great and small each and every day! DAV (Disabled American Veterans) is a nonprofit organization that is on a mission to help veterans succeed after military service and get the benefits they were promised.

Here is a little bit about what DAV is doing:

  • Each year, DAV helps veterans file more than 300,000 claims for VA benefits and stays with them through every step of the process.
  • DAV volunteers provide more than 700,000 rides each year to help veterans get to and from medical appointments at no cost to the veteran.
  • With nearly 1.3 million members, DAV’s powerful voice ensures that veterans are heard at the local, state and Federal level.
  • With nearly 1,300 chapters, DAV provides a national network of local support for veterans and their families.

Each year, they help more than one million veterans of all generations in life-changing ways. You can visit their website to learn more.

DAV (Disabled American Veterans) is a non-profit organization that is on a mission to help America’s veterans achieve more victories. To learn more about DAV, visit dav.org.

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of DAV. The opinions and text are all mine. While I am proud to support DAV and their mission, I have not been a beneficiary of DAV services.

8 Tips for Military Spouses That Struggle With Anxiety

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8 Tips for Military Spouses That Struggle With Anxiety

Anxiety is rough. Anxiety goes beyond worry and a lot of time anxiety doesn’t make any sense. Anxiety can be brought on by stress and can be very difficult to deal with. As a military spouse, anxiety can bring up even more issues and knowing what to do when anxiety hits can be difficult.

8 Tips for Military Spouses That Struggle With Anxiety

Over the years I have experienced anxiety as a military spouse. I have cried more than I should. I have felt physical pain because of how anxious I was. I have been anxious about my kids, my car, my home, my husband, my future, money or anything else that could come up. I hate anxiety and yet some days I wake up to it, wishing it would leave me alone.

When you have a basic worry about something, you can look at the facts of the situation and talk yourself into not worrying about that issue anymore. Anxiety is a little different. Anxiety is feeling like you are worried about something but it might not even be a logical worry. Because it isn’t always so logical, anxiety is a lot more difficult to deal with.

Here are 8 tips for military spouses that struggle with anxiety:

1. It isn’t just you- Remember that you are not the only military spouse struggling with anxiety. You are not the only one trying to figure out how to be a supportive military spouse and dealing with the anxious thoughts you have or the pressure you feel from your anxiety. So many of us are dealing with this too.

2. It might not make sense- Anxiety is weird and as I said before, anxiety doesn’t always make any sense. I ask myself all the time why some days getting in a car is so hard for me and others it is as normal as brushing my teeth.

3. Seek extra help- If your anxiety gets to the point where you feel like you just can’t live a normal life anymore, talk to your doctor about what is going on. See about going to see a counselor. This will help a lot. Just being able to talk to a non-judgemental person who can offer you good advice can really go a long way.

4. Create a peaceful place in your home- When my husband was deployed the last time I created a special place in my home that I could go to when I was feeling really anxious. This allowed me a safe place where I could cry things out, write in my journal or just get back to a better place. See if you can create a place like this in your home to go to when you are feeling anxious.

5. Talk to others about anxiety- Talking to others about anxiety is helpful. People, in general, want to present themselves as having everything all together but so many of us are struggling with something. Talk to your good friends about what is going on. They might be able to offer their own stories and you can help one another out.

6. Take time for yourself- Yes, we need to stay busy during a deployment but we also need to take care of ourselves. If going out every day is too much for you, take a day off for yourself. If taking on one more thing is going to be too much, just say no. Make sure you are finding ways to take care of you even if it is something simple like a nightly bubble bath.

7. Dance it out- Dance, work out, do yoga, walk, run, find some type of exercise that you can do every day. This will help motivate you to get out of your house and help you as you make your way through military life.

8. Tell your spouse- Talk to your spouse about your struggles. Let them know how they can help. They might not understand what you are going through. They might not see how hard something simple is for you sometimes. Be open and honest with them so they can help support you.

Anxiety is something I will probably have to deal with for the rest of my life. Whether my husband is in the military or not. Whether we are going through difficult situations or not. Having good methods to help with my anxiety is a must.

Do you struggle with anxiety? What helps?

Memes That Explain Exactly What Life As A Military Spouse Is Really Like

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Memes That Explain Exactly What Life As A Military Spouse Is Really Like

Memes That Explain Exactly What Life As A Military Spouse Is Really Like

Military life is an adventure of its own. You really have to have lived this life to understand. Some of the things us military spouses go through are rather unique. It’s nice to know we are not alone in our struggles and in our excitements along the way. From PCSing to deployments to figuring out how the military works.

Military spouses come from different places in the US and the world. They come from different backgrounds. They have different belief systems and have different ways of looking at this life. The main thing they have in common is a love for their service member and a desire to do what they can to support them in this life.

Here are some of the military spouse memes that sum up the reality of military life and the situations that all of us can relate to.

 

 

It’s so hard when people want us to put our phones away. We can’t. Our spouse lives in our phone. 

 

So much the truth. There is a plan, a new plan, back to the old plan. Keeping up can be difficult. You just have to go with the flow and accept this is the reality.

You have to have tools to get you through the hardest parts of military life. What would you add to this list?

 

 

Seriously! It took us so long to join my husband in Germany because of this. It’s hard to wait on paperwork and even more so when you know the delay is probably just because someone is taking their time to fill out their part of it. 

 

 

I have these super cute coffee curtains that don’t fit in my current house. They did a few houses ago and I hope I can use them again in the future. 

 

I think we can all understand this one…

 

 

Have lived both civilian lives and a military one, this is true. It;s just so different once they join the military. 

 

Military themed memes

Dance…

 

 

Military Spouse Meme

I will never forget our homecomings. They were such special days for us. 

 

Military Spouse Meme

My deployment to-do list is always so long and I never get through most of it. I am glad to have a list to focus on. That helps when the deployment slows down and I just want to speed it up. 

 

Military Spouse Meme

Solo parenting can be difficult. Have a cereal night when you need to. 

 

Military Spouse Meme

There are so many times when military life doesn’t make sense. That is just how it works. 

 

Military Spouse Meme

Exactly! We are not special. We have just grown stronger because we have had to. 

 

Military Spouse Meme

I have done this so many times. I know I should park in the same place every time but I don’t. 

 

 

Military Spouse Memes

Yes! 

 

mim

 

This is the most important thing to remember while you are a military spouse. Sometimes the military does have to come first. That can be hard to accept but it is better if you do. Remember, your service member loves you and misses you as much as you miss him.

Like my memes? You can find more on my Facebook page!

 

 

 

 

 

Living in Jacksonville, Florida and Naval Station Mayport

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Happy to have this guest post by Erin on Living in Jacksonville, Florida and Naval Station Mayport. Please visit my Duty station guest post page for posts on other locations or more information about how you can write a guest post about where you have been stationed.

Living in Jacksonville, Florida and Naval Station Mayport

Living in Jacksonville, Florida and Naval Station Mayport

Welcome to Jacksonville, the largest city in Florida and home to multiple military bases and facilities. With bases like Mayport Naval Station, Naval Air Station Jacksonville, and Naval Submarine Base Kings Bay right over the Florida Georgia border, Jacksonville is the third largest military presence in the country.

The first thing most people notice when moving to Jacksonville is how big the city is. As both the largest city in population and area, Jacksonville is the 12th most populous city in the United States. From the Beaches to Riverside to Orange Park to Southside, each side of town caters to a different lifestyle depending on your preferences. The cost of living in some parts of town are higher than others and if you’re planning to live off base, it’s best to research each part of town to decide which one best fits your style of living. Some military families choose to live close to base while others sacrifice a longer commute to live in a part of town that appeals to their lifestyle.

Jacksonville, FL

If you’re interested in being surrounded by nature or into outdoor sports, you’ll find plenty of options in Jacksonville. Fishing is a popular pastime in Jacksonville, seeing as though the city is surrounded by so much water. Local parks offer hiking and biking trails, camping, and geocaching. The beaches are popular for both lounging and watersports like surfing, paddleboarding, and kayaking. And both Mayport and NAS Jax offer swimming pools and waterparks for military families.

Naval Station Mayport

Both Mayport and NAS Jax offer Navy exchanges and commissaries with Jax’s NEX being larger of the two, though Jacksonville is in no short supply of grocery stores and shopping malls throughout the city. The largest grocery chains in town are Publix and Winn Dixie. There are four main shopping malls, with the St. Johns Town Center or the Orange Park Mall being the most popular choices.

Naval Station Mayport

In my opinion, the best feature of Jacksonville is the dining options. Jacksonville is home to some really great independently owned restaurants as well as your typical dining chains. I would urge you to branch out and try some of the local places. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how good the food and drink options are. I could create a whole post about my favorite restaurants but here are a few of my recommendations – Poe’s Tavern in Atlantic Beach for burgers and the best tuna tacos; V Pizza in San Marco or Jax Beach for pizza and chicken wings (yes, wings!); and Maple Street Biscuit Company with numerous locations around town for a melt-in-your-mouth chicken biscuit.

Naval Station Mayport

Jacksonville is also adjacent to historic cities like Amelia Island, Fernandina, and St. Augustine which make great day-trip destinations. Amelia Island and Fernandina offer beautiful beaches and State Parks with various amenities like hiking, fishing, and wildlife observation. As the oldest city in America, St. Augustine is full of historical monuments and attractions, museums, shopping, and dining options.

As a Jacksonville native, I’ve come to really love and appreciate my hometown for it’s diverse population, rich history, and unique amenities. And I strongly feel that Jacksonville has something to offer everyone.

Naval Station Mayport Erin is the author of erinwiggle.com, a comprehensive guide to the First Coast and neighboring cities. She’s a Sailor’s wife, outdoor enthusiast, furbaby mama, and foodie. Follow her on Instagram at @erinwiggle or send her an email at lifeaswiggle@gmail.com.

Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

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Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

Should Military Families Move Home After Etsing?

June 2014. After 9 years as an Active duty military family, my husband hit his ETS date. ETS stands for expiration – term of service. This is when the contract between the service member and the military has ended.

The service member can re-enlist which usually happens at least a few months before that date. Then their ETS date will change. For a lot of people, ETSing means moving back home or moving to a new job. For us, though, ETSing meant staying right where we were. In our house here near Ft. Campbell.

We made this decision for a few reasons. Home is California and the cost of living there is insane. We would probably have to pay at least triple if not more than what we pay on our mortgage now to get a small home. We just could not make that work.

Another reason we decided to stay in the area was to make fewer changes than we needed to. Leaving active duty is a big change. Finding a job in the civilian world can be a challenge. Staying where we were after ETSing made life a little easier than it would have been.

Our children’s school was another factor. We like the school and the kids are used to going there. One of my boys has Autism and they know him there. Eventually, we will move and will be dealing with a new school, most military families do that anyway but for the time being it was nice to keep them where they were more comfortable.

Deciding what to do after an ETS can be difficult. You might have a lot of options, you might not know what to do right away. How can you decide on if you should stay where you are or explore another part of the country?

  • Can you go home? This is a big part of where to go after you ETS. Is going home a choice? Do you have a home? Do you have a lot of family drama that you would prefer to stay out of? Like us, is it a lot more expensive where you are from? Ask yourself these questions and think about what you want for your family. Some military families can’t wait to get back to where everything started. Others have seen parts of the US or World and want to go back. And then sometimes you just want to start somewhere fresh.
  • What about the job? Where you move to or if you move might have to do with finding a job. If you decide to stay where you are, it could be easier to find a job. On the other hand, you might be able to find a job at home since you know people in the area. You might have to go where the job is even if it isn’t your ideal location.
  • Can you make a long term plan? We know we want to move out of the Ft. Campbell area eventually. We have a few ideas that we are working on right now. Things are still up in the air. Even though we wanted to stay after ETSing, we knew that eventually, we would leave. Sometimes military families stay so that a child could finish high school or until their spouse can get through school. There are many reasons to do so.
  • How is your housing situation? Had we been living in a military housing when my husband was ETSing we would have had to move somewhere. You can’t stay on post after you ETS. If this is you, you are more likely to go home or move to another place unless you really like the area you are living in.
  • Do you like where you are currently living? If you hate where you live, you will probably want to get out of there as soon as the military lets you. Sometimes I wonder why we are still here when we no longer have to be. You can’t leave in the middle of a tour but after an ETS, the choice is yours. It is never that simple and there are a lot of factors that go into whether you can leave or where you can go.

Moving after ETSing can mean a fresh start. A new job. A new state. A new future. Staying where you are can mean less stress and more stability for your family. Think about what your options are and what will be best for your family.

What about you? Have you gone through an ETS? What did you decide to do?

Mistakes You Might Make As A New Military Spouse

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Mistakes You Might Make As A New Military Spouse

I was 26 years old when I became a military spouse. Other spouses were a lot younger and some were even older when they joined this life. No matter how old you were when you became a military family, there is going to be a learning curve. You won’t be able to understand how everything works right away. You might make some mistakes. It’s bound to happen.

Over my time as a military spouse, I have made some mistakes too. Figuring out how the military works takes time.

Mistakes You Might Make As A New Military Spouse

 

Here are a few examples of mistakes you might make as a new military spouse…

Going Over His Chain Of Command- Going over your husband’s chain of command is a big no-no. You don’t want to do that. Doing so will upset people and could come down to your own husband getting in trouble. There will be plenty of times when a command comes down and you will want your husband to do something about it. Usually, they can’t. Remember that there is a chain of command for a reason. Be respectful of it.

The Military Has To Come First- The military has to come first most of the time. Your spouse will have to go where the military sends them. It doesn’t really matter that you are going to have a baby in the middle of a deployment. You can ask for him to be sent home but know that no one has to make that happen for you. This is one of the hardest things to learn about military life. A good Command will try to help families when they can but because of the mission that isn’t always possible.

Not Trying to Make Friends- You are in a new place trying to get used to your new life. It can be way too easy to stay at home and not try to get out there and make friends. See what you can do to get out of your house and go to places where you can make friends. Doing this might be scary, especially if you are shy. But I have learned that putting yourself out there will eventually make you friends. Even if it takes a long time. Find things you would enjoy doing anyway and keep trying. Military spouse life is better with friends.

The Toll- Sometimes it is hard to understand the toll that military life can take on you. As a wife. As a mother. As a woman. As a human. There will be a lot of situations that you will have to go through that will seem impossible when you first hear about them. You need to try to take care of yourself. You need to find ways to smile even if your spouse is gone. To enjoy life even when life is stressful. Remember that military life can take a toll but the experiences you will go through will also help make you stronger.

Letting The Fear Overtake you- There is a lot to be fearful of during military life. Even more so when they are deployed in a war zone. Don’t let that fear overtake you. The reality is, something could happen to your spouse. However, if you live in fear about that happening every day, you will go crazy. You need to figure out a way to keep your fear in check. That could be different for each person. Some people will find comfort from their religion. Others will have a good friend they can go to and talk about what they are scared of. Figure out how you can handle the fear and don’t let it overtake you.

No one is a perfect military spouse. You will make mistakes along the way. But you can learn from them. Your military life is a journey. One in which you will always be growing and learning along the way. Do the best that you can, learn what you can and you will find that you will slowly start to figure everything out.

Leave me a comment and let me know what mistakes you have made when you first became a military spouse?