The SWCL Shop was started in 2021, to bring my designs to the marketplace.
I have created a store on Zazzle to offer my designs and memes on magnets, stickers, prints, and more! Perfect for your military spouse life.
This post contains affiliate links!
Here is what you can find in the shop!
Exciting news!
Jen McDonald’s book, You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse has an updated version!
Since its first publication in 2016, You Are Not Alone has resonated with military spouses, both new and experienced, and ranked as a bestseller in the Military Family and Christian Devotionals categories. Each of the 30 daily readings is written from the perspective of faith.
Readers will find practical tips (“Basic Training for Spouses”), related Scripture, and journal prompts for further reflection. Whether it’s a deployment, move, the challenges of military spouse life, or raising military kids, you’ll find real-life inspiration and hope from someone who’s been there. The 2022 edition has been updated and reformatted for a better reading and journaling experience, along with having a beautiful new cover design. It will be coming soon on audiobook, as well!
Jen McDonald sent me a free copy of the book for review, and I wanted to share a little bit about the book.
First of all, I love how the book is set up. There are 30 days of readings and each day starts with a quote. There is then a bit of a story section, and then actionable advice. This is followed by a scripture, and then some questions to ask yourself. The chapter ends with a prayer.
There are 7 parts:
She has also included some amazing resources in the back of the book.
I would have loved to have read this book as a new military spouse. Back then, I needed all the encouragement I could get. I still do sometimes today!
If you are interested, Jen is also hosting a book study, You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse in the Christian Military Spouses Facebook group that started Feb. 9, and anyone is welcome to join. She will be giving some behind-the-scenes insight and comments on each section as well as providing extra questions and journal prompts.
You Are Not Alone: Encouragement for the Heart of a Military Spouse by Jen McDonald is published by Little Things Press and is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other book outlets.
Whether you are a new military spouse, have been one for a while, or even getting ready for the retirement years, this book will encourage you, allow you to put things in perspective, and have a better military spouse life.
The SWCL Shop was started in 2021, to bring my designs to the marketplace.
I have created a store on Zazzle to offer my designs and memes on magnets, stickers, prints, and more! Perfect for your military spouse life.
This post contains affiliate links!
Here is what you can find in the shop!
We have all been the newbie military spouse. The one who really didn’t know how to navigate this life. The one who had all the questions.
But as time goes on, as you go through a deployment or two, have a PCS under your belt, you realize you are no longer the newest military spouse on the block. You realize that you actually have the advice to offer and you are working to find out your place.
How involved do you want to be in the military spouse community? What can you offer? How do you make sure you are not ignoring your own dreams during military life?
The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world depends on so many things. From where you are first stationed to what you left behind when your service member joined or when you married them. It depends on the goals you have for yourself, and how involved the military is in your life as you try to achieve them. And this isn’t the same for everyone.
As a new military spouse, I arrived in Germany with an 18-month-old and got pregnant again right away. I was trying to navigate military life as a SAHM in a 3rd-floor stairwell apartment in Germany. My life was pretty much 100% little kids and military, without much room for anything else. The military was in charge of so much of my life.
Moving back to the US four years later, we finally had a little more space between us and the military. Choosing to live off post allowed us a little more space as well as simply being stationed in the U.S. versus overseas. It’s just a very different type of military experience.
There are different “roles” you might find yourself in. And you may or may not want to stay there. They might not be a good fit.
The truth is, finding your place in the military spouse world is all about what you feel comfortable with. Some military spouses want to be as involved as possible. They volunteer for the FRG or other on post events. They seem to know a lot about military life and can direct you if you have a question or tell you where you can go to get an answer.
Other military spouses take a back seat to the military world. They stay away from post as much as possible. They work, live, and spend their free time away from the military. They have more of a hands-off as much as possible approach.
And then, there is everyone in between. The reality is, there is no right answer on how to military spouse. You should be involved as much you want to be or as little as you want to be. And your spouse’s rank shouldn’t even be a factor.
We, military spouses, should never feel like we have to run an FRG meeting or set up a spouse’s group. We should do so because we have a desire to do so. We should do so because that is what we want to do, not because it is expected of us.
We, military spouses, have the right to focus solely on our careers. Solely on our children and homes. Or solely on both without worrying too much about the role of the military in our lives. Doing so isn’t for everyone.
We, military spouses, have to find our place, and we get to decide how involved we want to be.
I am so thankful for the military spouses who have stepped up. So many have come before us and have said, “no, this isn’t okay” and they work to change things. I am so thankful that the military spouse norm of the past isn’t the norm anymore. That we have so much more freedom than previous generations.
But, will the military itself catch up to modern times? What can change to make a better military life balance for everyone? Both spouse and service member?
Even though I live by a large Army installation, most of my interactions with other military spouses seem to be online these days. Maybe this is due to the pandemic, or maybe just the way modern life is. As modern military spouses, you can reach out to anyone from the comfort of your own homes.
We no longer have to attend an in-person event in order to get that information we might need to thrive in our military spouse life. We can connect to other spouses, through Facebook groups, TikTok accounts, and Instagram.
We can share our stories and know they will be seen by military spouses worldwide. We can offer advice to a spouse in another branch, stationed somewhere we will never go. The world is truly changing.
Military spouses have always been about community, and there have always been roles for us within that community. But things are changing, and what worked 10-15 years ago, might not work today. Modern military spouses are able to focus more on their own goals and are not as held back because of the military.
Hopefully, no matter how long you have been a military spouse, you are able to figure out where you fit within the military spouse community. And hopefully, whatever your choose to do, no matter how involved you want to be, it is respected. By other spouses, by your service member, and the bigger military as a whole.
How did you find your place within the military spouse world?
Another Christmas and yet you are gone, across the ocean, serving our country.
We knew this was a part of the deal, and yet, that doesn’t make it any easier. You are gone, away from us, and all we want for Christmas is you.
As the days get closer to the 25th, my heart feels a little less thrilled with the idea that we are so far away from one another. There is something about this holiday, more than any other, that you should be home for. And yet I know, the military doesn’t work like that. Life doesn’t work like that.
I know as a military spouse, just because I want them to be home doesn’t mean they will be. Just because I think they should be home, doesn’t mean they can be. I have to go with the flow, even if that flow hurts.
As I set up the Christmas tree, I can’t help but hold back a tear. I can’t help but think about the year before when you were here for all this. When you were right by my side as we decided on where each ornament should go.
As I set up the Christmas tree, I think about how hopefully you will be with us next year, and the year after, and the one after that. I hope and pray you never have to be over there during Christmas again. But how realistic is that type of prayer?
As I start to buy presents for our young children, I think about how you won’t be there to see them open them. To see the joy on their faces, and hear them laugh and get excited about Christmas morning.
I think about how I will make sure to record everything so that you don’t miss a thing, but you will anyway. That is just how it is. A million photos never make up for being there, no matter how many you take.
I think about how on Christmas Eve, it will just be me getting everything together. It will just be me putting the kids to bed in their cute Christmas PJs, and just me making sure the cookies and milk are out for Santa. It will just be me pouring some eggnog and watching a Christmas movie late into the night.
We will be missing you on Christmas.
As a military family, we have missed you so many times over the years. You have missed birthdays and anniversaries, and all the little things that make life special. And yet, I can’t help be feel like this is the road we have to be on. That you are a soldier, and I choose to follow you, even if it meant a Christmas away from you. Even if it meant missing you.
I think about how much you have given to this country. And how much more you will give. There will be more times apart, and more Christmases spent in different time zones.
But as I think about missing you on Christmas, I also think about how we can get through this, just like we have before.
You won’t be here for Christmas day, but we will be thinking of one another all the same. That is what we military families do. That is all we can really do when we are hit with missing each other so much.
Christmas won’t be the same, it can’t be, you are not here. But Christmas can still be special and we can still make some memories.
We are missing you on Christmas, as you are missing us. But we will get through this time apart. We always do and make it to the other side.
As a new Army wife, I didn’t know a whole lot about the military lifestyle. Sure, I knew the basics, but standing at our first duty station in Schweinfurt, Germany, I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I can remember standing there, watching a group of soldiers going by, and knowing everything had changed for us.
I was lucky though. Within those first months of being an Army wife in Germany, I found friends. I found other spouses who not only knew what military life was like but going through the same thing I was. We were all getting ready for a deployment, the first deployment for many of us, and we knew we could do it together.
I honestly am not sure what I would have done or how I could have gotten through that deployment without my military spouse friends. Although things were not always perfect, and there was drama, of course, there was drama, having people to go through a deployment with helped us all make it through what would turn out to be one of the longest deployments.
Over the years, I have made friends at every step of the way. From my best friend in Germany to my current circle here at Fort Campbell. From military spouse bloggers to some of the amazing people I have met through blogging and social media in all parts of the world.
I know for me, finding friends is the easy part. Finding best friends is not.
Finding best friends takes a lot of work, and yet you can’t force that. You can’t exactly walk up to someone and claim them as your best friend, can you? Best friends just happen sometimes, and even if you like someone else, they might not be the person to fit that role.
So what qualities make up a Military best friend? How do you know they are the one to fit that part of your life?
Here are a few things to think about when you are out there, making new friends:
That you click
As I look back over my closest friendships, they all have one thing in common. We clicked. Sometimes we click right away. We met, and before we knew it, we were making plans like we had known each other forever.
In other cases, clicking took more time. There isn’t one set way to click with someone else, but once you do, you will know that there is a special friendship forming and that is a good thing.
That your kids get along
It’s hard to find a friend with kids sometimes. Your kids might not get along. You might not get along with their kids. They might not mesh well.
I don’t think all of your friend’s kids have to click with your kids but for a Military spouse BFF, it is an excellent thing to have. You will be spending a lot of time together without your spouses around. You can have sleepovers and go on trips together.
As your kids get older, I think there is more room for friendships that do not involve them, but when your kids are young and tend to always be with you, you tend to come as a full package. A good best friend will be loving towards you and your children.
That you can vent to them
If you have ever been through a deployment, you know that some days you just have to vent. If you can’t do that with someone, it is going to be hard for them to be your buddy during the deployment. You need someone who you can vent to, and that isn’t going to come back with a “suck it up and don’t talk to me about that anymore” type of attitude.
While no one likes it when all someone does is complain about their lives, we all need a safe place to go to let off steam. Whether we are annoyed that our husband can’t seem to put his laundry in the laundry basket or are upset that he is once again going to miss something important, finding friends who let us vent during military life is a good thing.
That you can depend on them
I have a very hard time asking for help, even when I need that help. I want to try to get everything done myself if possible. However, sometimes things happen, and I have to call someone to help me.
Having a best friend to call to help you out and not have it become an awkward situation is a good thing. Whether it is because your child needs to go to the ER, your car breaks down, or you need emergency babysitting help. Knowing you won’t be totally alone when that happens can take a lot of the worry out of a situation.
That you can trust them
The military, especially at the branch level, is a small small world. You will find this to be true when you have been a military spouse for a few years. Your neighbor at Fort Bliss knows your old neighbor from Fort Campbell. You were stationed in Germany with your FRG leader’s best friend. You are reunited with your friend from three duty stations ago, in Italy of all places.
Because of this, it is really important to be able to find people that you can trust. Rumors can get started. Maybe your brother is coming to visit, but all people see is a man coming in and out of your house when your husband is deployed. People are not always honest, and some people do like to start drama.
When looking for your military spouse best friend, you have to be able to trust them. You don’t want to share your deepest worries to find out that now half of the FRG knows about them. Use caution and be the type of friend you would want to meet yourself.
If all of us can do this, the military spouse world will be a much better place overall.
Making friends is something all Military spouses have to do. There have been times during my husband’s military career when I didn’t feel like I had a good friend circle. And that just made military life a lot harder.
While finding and making those best friends can be difficult at times, working to find them is a good goal. Yes, you might have to put yourself out there more than you are comfortable with. Yes, you might encounter people that just want to be about the drama. Don’t let that stop you. Finding a military spouse best friend will be worth the search.
When your spouse is deployed, finding time for yourself is a lot more complicated. There is always so much to do. And, there is no way to get it all done.
You hear about practicing self-care, but that doesn’t seem possible at the moment. You are always so tired and are not sure when you could find the time to take a bubble bath or read a book. You know you need to relax but you can’t figure out how at the moment.
Breathe
The truth is, finding time for yourself during a deployment is going to take some planning. If you wait for it naturally to come to you, it probably won’t. You need to take some steps so you can figure out how you can make time for yourself.
The reality is, if you keep going and going and don’t ever stop, you will burn yourself out. You need to figure out how to help yourself, even within a crazy schedule. You need to figure out what works for you.
Self-care is very specific to each person. Some people love to get their nails done. They find doing so very relaxing. I really don’t. It’s just not my thing. But, I would love to sit at a coffee shop for hours with a good book.
The key is finding what you love and what you can do. If you have small children and a deployed spouse, you can’t just leave to go take time to yourself, you have to plan for it.
You might be able to hire a babysitter, trade babysitting with a friend, or take advantage of CDC hours.
You can also find some of that self-care time after your kids go to bed. I did this all the time during our early deployments. I would try to keep to an earlier bedtime for my kids so I had a few hours to myself before I went to bed.
Being able to make that time for myself was a must. I couldn’t imagine not doing so. Being able to somewhat relax recharged me and allowed me to be the best mom I could be, even during a deployment.
Often time, especially us moms, assume we can’t even find time to take a shower or take a short break. The truth is, some seasons will be harder to do so than others, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible to do so.
Our mental health is important, and during a deployment, we have to be really aware of how we are doing emotionally. Many military spouses are going through depression or anxiety, or both. We have to figure out ways to help get through what we are dealing with in a healthy manner.
Self-Care for MILSOs Ebook by Mrs. Navy Mama
14 Self-Care Books You Should Definitely Read This Year
Self-Care: 12 Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself
Let Brave Crate Get You Through a Deployment
See what you can do to change things up and give yourself permission to take time for yourself. You will be so glad you did!
You love where you live. You have a lovely house, the perfect group of friends, your kids enjoy where you are, and the schools are fantastic. You have already been there for three years, but you are hoping you can stay a little longer.
Then your spouse comes home with orders, to a new duty station, 2,000 miles away.
While some military spouses can’t wait to move and get away from their current duty station, you are not one of them. You would stay put for the rest of your spouse’s career if you could. But sadly, the Army has told you it is time to move on.
The good news is, there are still reasons to be excited about this move. Even if it is to a place you are unsure about, even if it is to a place you don’t want to go.
Here are six reasons to be excited about a PCS, even when you don’t want to leave where you are:
1. A chance to start fresh
PCSing is a time to start fresh. While you might not feel like doing so at the moment, having a new start can be a fantastic thing. You can figure out what you want, how you want your life to go, and what you want to focus on in your new location.
2. Declutter time
Moving gives you a big reason to declutter. Get rid of what you no longer need. Have a yard sale or just donate. A PCS is a time to get rid of all that excess stuff you know you don’t need. While you don’t need to move to be able to declutter, moving can get you motivated to focus on it.
3. Make new friends
Making new friends can be hard at times, but so much fun once you find them. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, and enjoy making new friends once you move. Saying goodbye to your friends at your current location is going to be difficult, it’s never easy to do, but know that you can always keep in touch, even if you don’t live in the same city anymore.
4. Explore another part of the country or world
This is your chance to explore another part of the country or even the world. You will get to experience things you never thought you would. You will be able to see things you never thought you would. Explore your new duty station and enjoy what it has to offer.
5. New house
A new home, whether you live on post or off can be a nice change. You might try to find a different type of housing, or even get a bigger place since you have added a new child to your family. Even if you love your current duty station, you might be ready for a new type of home.
6. Learning experience for all of you
If you are upset about leaving, think of this PCS as a learning experience for you and your children. This PCS will allow you to be more flexible in the future, it will make you step out of your comfort zone, and it will teach you about yourself as well as the world around you. Think of the PCS as a way to grow as a person and try not to let it bring you down.
Whether this is your first PCS or your tenth, don’t be afraid of your next adventure. You never know who you will meet, what you will get to experience, and where the road to that duty station will lead.
Will you be PCSing anytime soon?
