The Military Spouse Life…
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23 Memes That Explain What Going Through A Deployment is Really Like
23 Memes That Explain What Going Through A Deployment is Really Like
Deployments come, deployments go.
Through having to say goodbye, to the long and lonely nights, to planning for that homecoming day.
What better way to explain how a deployment really is then a meme…
Saying goodbye is never easy and you never truly get used to doing so. Saying goodbye is a part of military life and deployments will happen often.
A deployment is a big lemon in your life. Now go find some limes and make a margarita 🙂
They truly do. The day the deployment ends and you have your spouse back in your arms again.
You really don’t. When you are together, you will truly appreciate the time you have with one another.
Anyone who has been through a deployment has felt the deployment ache. It’s not a good feeling but the ache comes with being away from the person you love.
During my deployments, knowing that this was just a difficult time for us and that everyone has difficult times made the time apart a little easier.
The weekends are so different depending on if they are home or not.
You can’t talk about deployment without talking about OPSEC. Know what OPSEC and PERSEC are. You don’t want to be the reason a flight gets delayed or something else that could harm someone in the military.
As you go through your deployment, you will notice that you will go through different stages. Here are the 4 stages that I usually went through.
Yep! Deployments can make or break you. They will bring you down but that doesn’t mean you can’t get back up. And they will make you a stronger person through it all.
Your friends might all handle separations differently. That’s okay. We are all on our own journey. We might handle deployments in a different way. Never judge someone because of that.
Yes! Cereal for dinner is totally fine. Early bedtimes are a must!
Exactly! There has to be trust! Has to be!
One good thing about deployments is they make you feel like you are dating again. As you wait for your spouse to return home, you can’t help but get a little nervous and giddy.
I don’t think we are special. I think this life has made us have to become stronger people. And that is a good thing.
I have been through long deployments, I have been through short deployments. None of them are easy and time away is time away.
You can’t bring me down deployment. Even though you are trying…
The dates change all the time. And waiting for them is hard.
Yep! Sounds like a typical night during a deployment.
On deployments, you will have good days and bad days. Days where you feel you got this and days when you don’t.
There is a lot you can do to get you to a place of peace, even during a deployment.
It’s hard when it seems like the military is taking so much of your spouse’s time, it is even worse during deployments. Just remember, you are first in their heart.
And at the end of it all, you just want that homecoming day. You wait and you wait. And finally one day you get it. And although dates might change, the end is in site and the deployment will be over soon.
Are you going through a deployment right now?
What To Do When Your Spouse Gets Last Minute Deployment Orders
What To Do When Your Spouse Gets Last Minute Deployment Orders
Deployments are a part of life for the military spouse. Although you might go a few years in between, you are usually not surprised when you find out your spouse is going to have to go on one. Usually, you have some time to prepare. Some people know even a year before the deployment, most people find out with a few months to prepare.
Every once in a while, a deployment gets scheduled at the last minute. As you are working on planning your summer, you could find out that your husband has to deploy in early June. After booking a trip home for Christmas, you find out your spouse is going to be deployed two weeks before. A last minute deployment can knock the wind out of you but know you will be able to handle what is to come.
Here is what you can do when your spouse gets last minute deployment orders:
- Breathe- When you first hear that your spouse is actually going to deploy, you will feel like your heart has stopped. You might be thinking about how he wasn’t supposed to go or how he had just returned home not too long before. You might be thinking about what he was going to miss and feeling like you needed more time to prepare for this news. This is all normal. Deployments are no joke but remember to breathe. Take some time for yourself to adjust to the news. Go for a run, write in your journal or talk with a friend. Getting used to the idea of a deployment takes time and if they received last-minute deployment orders, you won’t have much time to adjust to what is about to happen.
- Cry- If you need to cry, do so. It really is okay. A lot of people need to cry it out in order to accept what is to come. I know that is how I cope with these types of things. Crying is how I can get my pain out and how I can focus on the next step. If you first reaction to a deployment is to cry into your spouse’s arms, do so. That doesn’t mean you don’t support them. It just means you are having a hard time with the news and you will need to figure out how you can get through it.
- Plan- Planning for a deployment is important, even if you only have a few days to do so. Look at how long they are supposed to be gone and make a plan for each month. Focus on you and your family. You will want to stay busy during the deployment and doing so requires a little bit of planning. If you can, plan a fun trip halfway through or even a party to celebrate that you have made it that far through the deployment.
- Think of the positives- Every deployment has positives. You might have to look hard for them but they are there. Were you in need of a new car? Maybe the deployment pay can help with that. Saving for a house? Deployment pay can help you get into one faster. Think about the benefits of a deployment and focus on those. More time to read, more time to work out and fewer clothes to wash each week.
- Connect- Find other military spouses to connect with. This will help with the deployment and accept that it is actually coming. If you know any of the other spouses that will also be dealing with this deployment too, make a plan for a lunch or dinner before or right after the deployment starts. Getting through a deployment will be easier with friends by your side. You will also need people to help support you while your spouse is gone.
No one wants a last minute deployment but they can happen. If this has happened to you, know that you can get through this just like you would if you had more time. In some ways, not having as long to worry about the deployment could be a blessing in the end.
Has your spouse received last minute deployment orders? How did you handle that?
Beneath Wandering Stars by Ashlee Cowles With a Book Giveaway
I love to hear when military families write books! I want to read them all! I am excited to tell you about the book, Beneath Wandering Stars by Ashlee Cowles. Here is a synopsis of the book…
After her soldier brother is horribly wounded in Afghanistan, Gabriela must honor the vow she made: If anything ever happened to him, she would walk the Camino de Santiago through Spain, making a pilgrimage in his name. The worst part is that the promise stipulates that she must travel with her brother’s best friend—a boy she has despised all her life. Her brother is in a coma, and Gabi feels that she has no time to waste, but she is unsure. Will she hesitate too long, or risk her own happiness to keep a promise? An up-close look at the lives of the children of military families, Beneath Wandering Stars takes readers on a journey of love, danger, laughter, and friendship, against all odds.
The book starts out in Germany and gives us an up close look of life as a military family from the perspective of a military child instead of the spouse. I just started the book and I know it is going to be a good one.
About the Author:
Ashlee Cowles grew up an Army “brat” and moved eight times by the time she was 18. She spent her high school years on a military post in Germany and as a college student, Ashlee walked part of the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage route in Spain. These experiences inspired her to write her debut Young Adult novel, Beneath Wandering Stars (Merit Press, 2016). Ashlee currently lives in Colorado Springs, but you can find out if she’s speaking at a school or library near you by visiting http://ashleecowles.com/
I was excited about interviewing Ashlee Cowles about her writing and her book. Here is what she said…
1.How old were you when you knew you would be a writer?
It’s hard to say! I was a voracious reader from early on, but I wasn’t one of those kids who knew they wanted to be a writer from a young age (for the longest time I wanted to be a veterinarian). Like many little girls, the first books I fell in love with were the Little House and Anne of Green Gables series, and that was probably when I realized one actually could become a writer, though I didn’t give writing fiction a serious shot until after college.
2. Where did you get your idea for Beneath Wandering Stars?
Beneath Wandering Stars was born of many different experiences, the main one being my own upbringing in a military family. My dad was career Army, so I spent my first 18 years living all over the place. Yet I couldn’t recall ever reading or hearing about a novel told from the perspective of a military kid like me. As an adult, I thought this was strange since there are so many people familiar with the military lifestyle, so I figured, “Hey, I can write that story!” The more the idea brewed, the more passionate I became about sharing this unique upbringing and subculture with a wider audience, since growing up in a military family was one of the things that shaped me most as a person. From the beginning, I knew I wanted the book to be set on a post overseas in Germany (that’s where I spent my high school years, so Germany feels like a second home). I got the idea for including the Camino de Santiago trek after visiting Spain and walking part of this route in 2011. So while the story is completely fiction, it was inspired by a lot of personal experiences.
3. Are you working on any other books or projects right now?
Yes, I’m finishing up the edits on another Young Adult novel told from the viewpoints of two girls who share a unique bond despite the divide of history–one girl is a modern teen and the daughter of a fallen soldier who served in Afghanistan, and the other is a survivor of the Titanic sinking in 1912. I’m also a teacher, so I’m working on a nonfiction book about the benefits of growing up a military brat or “third culture kid,” and how parents can build on the strengths that come from this special upbringing. Finally, I’m a serious history buff thanks to the time I lived in Europe, so I hope to start writing Historical Fiction and a Fantasy series for an adult audience soon. Anyone interested in these projects can stay updated by joining my author newsletter.
4. What advice would you give to someone who wanted to write their own book?
Begin. Seriously, starting is the hardest part! If you have a story inside you that really needs to get out, once you sit down and get going, the whole thing becomes a lot easier. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, but if you start small and write a little bit each day…one day you have a book. On a more practical level, there are so many wonderful resources out there for aspiring writers, which means that just about anyone who wants to write a book can. Finding other people who share your enthusiasm for storytelling helps, so I highly recommend looking for writing groups and conferences in your area. People who are part of the military community often have a unique perspective on life, as well as a collection of amazing experiences–which makes for excellent writing material!
5. What did growing up as a military brat teach you about life and what it is like to be a part of the military world?
Oh, growing up a military brat taught me so many things! I could go on for pages (I guess I kind of did…272 of them!). Gabi, the heroine of Beneath Wandering Stars, starts out as a fairly typical military teen who is pretty resentful about having to move her senior year and leave a group of close friends behind. She grows and changes a lot as the story progresses, but it wasn’t difficult to conjure up those angsty emotions because I made a similar move my senior year, and it really did feel like my entire world was coming to an end (as it does when you are 17). Yet looking back on that season as an adult, I don’t regret one thing about my military childhood. Being a military brat made me adaptable and independent, while also teaching me what it meant to be part of a tight-knit community devoted to something greater than myself. Being a military brat has given me a love of travel and an appreciation for the diversity of the world’s many cultures, while also instilling in me a strong identity as an American and an understanding of what that actually means. Being a military brat has made me insatiably curious, open, and adventurous, while at the same time helping me recognize the value of sacrifice and duty and honor. As Gabi eventually learns in Beneath Wandering Stars, being a military brat means being part of a very special tribe, and I am proud and grateful to call myself one.
Upcoming Appearances & Book Signings:
Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers Colorado Gold Conference Author Book Signing on Friday, September 9, 2016 8-10pm, Colorado Ballrooms A and B of the Renaissance Hotel, 3801 Quebec Street, Denver, CO
*See http://ashleecowles.com/speaking-school-visits/ for latest events
Reviews:
“This is a believable and well-written tale full of references to Homer and Chaucer…. The wide range of characters…are authentic rather than idealized. Readers will feel Gabi’s pain–both emotional and physical–as she endures a host of adverse conditions along the route. A realistic fiction title that will appeal to a broad audience of teen readers.” —School Library Journal
“Cowles, a former Army brat, shows an intimate understanding of military life and uses her characters to examine its difficulties…the toll combat takes on soldiers, and other complicated topics…. Teens for whom war hits close to home are a natural audience for this hopeful story of journeys internal and external.” —Publishers Weekly
“After her older brother, Lucas, is wounded in action…17-year-old Gabriela Santiago decides to honor a promise to her brother by walking the Camino de Santiago…. Gabi’s convincing teen voice guides readers through the complexity of emotions and inner struggle. Debut novelist Cowles uses the pilgrimage to spark moments of philosophic and theological reflection. The story will open a portal to families with injured soldiers and propel conversations about war, identity, philosophy, and hardship.” —Kirkus Reviews
Now for the giveaway! One lucky reader will receive an author-signed hardback of Beneath Wandering Stars. Enter the Rafflecopter below 🙂
- I was given a free copy of this book by the author.
Questions to Ask Before They Re-Enlist in the Military
Questions to Ask Before They Re-Enlist in the Military
Re-enlisting! For some, re-enlisting is a done deal. They don’t have to question the decision. They are in the military the for the long haul. 20+ years is the plan and that is what they intend to do. For others, re-enlisting is a challenging decision to make. There is always a lot to think about. Some couples will go back and forth on the decision for months and months.
Here are some questions you and your spouse can ask before they make the decision to re-enlist or not…
1. Do they enjoy the military? One big factor that is important is that the person signing up for the military somewhat enjoys what they are doing. If not, they are going to be miserable. There is a lot about the military that is difficult and frustrating for both the spouse and the service member, however, at the end of the day, does your service member like what they do? Do they accept the military for what it is and still want to put on that uniform? If so, re-enlisting is probably the right choice.
2. What about the kids? Do you have kids? How do they handle military life? Do you want to have children but want to wait until military life is over? Is it time to move on to your post-military life because of that? You know your own children and what they need. You know what military life will be like for them. Think about what would be best and if going on in the military is the best choice for the whole family.
3. Is this best for their career? Every service member is on a career path. Do they have 12 years in? Would it be better to finish out their 20 years before they did something else? Trying to figure out what to do for a career is a challenge. Do they want to give up the military path for something different or do they want to continue on in the military, move up the ranks and see their career go that way?
4. Age? Age can make a difference. If your spouse is 22, that is the same age a lot of people are when they graduate college. That is a good age to start over and do something else. It’s a lot harder to start a new career when you are in your late 30s or 40s. On the other hand, if they are older, they might find the military harder on their body and will wish to change to something a little less physical.
5. What else would you do? If your service member is going to get out of the military, they need to figure something else to do. This can be challenging. The military can be very different from the civilian world. Some people do have an idea of what they want to do and others have a more difficult time finding something that works.
6. Should you change your MOS? Sometimes re-enlisting for a different MOS is the best thing to do. Your service member might want a change or feel like a different MOS might make their experience in the military a little better. If this is something they are thinking about, talk about the different MOS choices and figure out which one would be the best to look into.
Trying to decide on re-enlisting can be difficult. Sometimes you just know when it is time to leave and other times it can be a bit more complicated than that.
Are you and your spouse trying to decide what to do about their future in the military? How do you figure out whether to re-enlist or not?
How Deployments Taught Me About the Importance of Family Time with DAV
How Deployments Taught Me About the Importance of Family Time with DAV
Deployments
My husband has been home from his last deployment for almost three years now. He deployed 4 times to both Iraq and Afghanistan within 7 years. He left for the first time in 2006, returning at the end of 2007. He then deployed again in 2008, 2011 and 2013. He returned from what might have been his very last deployment in December of 2013.
Over the years since then, we have been able to get back to a more normal life. Although he has worked in civilian jobs where he has been away at times and he has his monthly guard duties, he has not been away for an extended amount of time since 2013. As a wife, I am very happy about this. As a mother, I am glad my boys don’t have to miss their father anymore.
During all our deployments, I learned a lot about myself. I learned how to be more patient, that the little things don’t matter quite as much and that family time is precious.
Family Time is Important
Now that deployments are in my past, I look at our time together as something we sometimes had to go without. Whether we are all just hanging out together at home, going to the park or the movies or out on a day trip, I never want to forget what it was like to not have that.
There were plenty of weekends where I sat in my house alone with little children while I watched friends and even family spend time together. There have been plenty of times I have turned down invitations and not been able to go places because it was too difficult to do as the only parent. My husband has missed anniversaries and all the other holidays at one point or another.
These days, I try to plan for our family to do something together every weekend. We take advantage of what our community has to offer and enjoy going to parks and sometimes out to see a new movie. We took a lot of pool trips together this summer. We haven’t been able to travel too much lately but I’m hoping for a trip in the future that we can take together.
When you are able to spend that family time together on a regular basis, you are able to create memories with your children in a different way than when one of their parents is gone.
After four deployments, I am always aware of how special family time can be. I hope that I will never take advantage of being able to have my husband home with us on a regular basis. When he isn’t home, the days are just not the same. Deployments can be hard on a military spouse but I have learned that they can also help you become a better person with a different perspective on life.
DAV Victories for Veterans
America’s veterans achieve personal victories overcoming challenges great and small each and every day! DAV (Disabled American Veterans) is a nonprofit organization that is on a mission to help veterans succeed after military service and get the benefits they were promised.
Here is a little bit about what DAV is doing:
- Each year, DAV helps veterans file more than 300,000 claims for VA benefits and stays with them through every step of the process.
- DAV volunteers provide more than 700,000 rides each year to help veterans get to and from medical appointments at no cost to the veteran.
- With nearly 1.3 million members, DAV’s powerful voice ensures that veterans are heard at the local, state and Federal level.
- With nearly 1,300 chapters, DAV provides a national network of local support for veterans and their families.
Each year, they help more than one million veterans of all generations in life-changing ways. You can visit their website to learn more.
DAV (Disabled American Veterans) is a non-profit organization that is on a mission to help America’s veterans achieve more victories. To learn more about DAV, visit dav.org.
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of DAV. The opinions and text are all mine. While I am proud to support DAV and their mission, I have not been a beneficiary of DAV services.
The Perfect Duty Station Wish List
The Perfect Duty Station Wish List
We got lucky. Maybe because he was going back into the Army at a time when they really needed more people to join, maybe it was just luck, but when my husband re-joined the military in 2005, he was given his choice of where he wanted to be stationed. The choices were Europe, Hawaii, Ft. Campbell and South Korea. I don’t think we could have gone with him on that last one. Before he left for MEPS we talked about our desire to be stationed in Europe. So while he didn’t get a chance to talk to me about his decision, he wanted Europe and he knew I did too.
When I picked him up from MEPS, I thought he would tell me about how he would have to re-do basic. Instead, he told me we were going to Europe and he would be leaving in 2 weeks!
Fast forward a few years later and it was time to re-enlist. My husband was given another choice. We debated between Ft. Campbell and Ft. Irwin. Ft. Irwin would have been just 3 hours from home, yet the post was in the middle of nowhere. We had just come from Germany where we had lived about 30 minutes from post. We wanted to be in a place where we could have access to an American city with all the things we had been missing while we were overseas. We wanted our children to be able to go to off-post schools and to be able to have somewhat of a life beyond the military post. He put in for Ft. Campbell and that is where we ended up.
I know a lot of people don’t get a say in where they get to go. A lot of times the needs of the military take over. And the higher in rank, the fewer positions there are. Still, some people do get to choose and that choice is a big one. You have to decide where you want to live for the next 3-5 years. How do you even know where would be best? There are so many different factors to think about.
Here is what you should think about when creating your perfect duty station wish list:
- Close to the family- How close to family do you want to be? Does your family live in a military town? Maybe you don’t get along and want to be as far away from them as possible. I always think about what life would have been like if we had been stationed just 3 hours from home. Our lives would have been very different.
- Beach/Mountains- Some people want to be right by the beach. Others love the mountains and what they have to offer. You might think about which duty stations are by your ideal location and see if you can go there.
- Duty station location- Maybe you have always wanted to live in the Pacific North West. Maybe you have dreamed about living in the south one day. The military is a great opportunity to experience living in different places in the US and even the world.
- Adventure- In for an adventure? Try to go overseas or in a place you never ever thought you would be able to live. Some military duty stations are more exciting than others. Picking a place out of your comfort zone might be the best idea. A lot of people worry about being overseas. Being overseas is different from what you are used to but going overseas or even Alaska or Hawaii can be a great opportunity for you and your family. Fun Fact: According to the Military, Alaska and Hawaii are overseas locations 🙂
- Spouse’s career goals- Sometimes you will have to go somewhere based on your spouse’s career. They need to be stationed at certain places or they need to go certain places to attend a certain school. This can be hard when where they need to go isn’t a place you would want to pick. Don’t lose hope, sometimes you can have the best experiences in a location you never thought you would like.
- Weather- When my husband was 19 years old he joined the Army for the first time. He was sent to Ft. Drum, NY. A California boy, in upstate NY. Talk about a weather change. Weather can be a factor. If you love your four seasons, putting in for California might not be ideal. If you can’t stand the snow, stay away from the northern locations. I am not sure how I would have handled a place like NY or Alaska. I feel like Tennessee is too cold for me 🙂
At the end of the day, you will go where the military wants your spouse to go. Sometimes you get a say, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes they ask and ignore what you have said and other times they will honor that. If you are given a choice, think about what you want and the type of place you want to be. If you don’t get your first few choices, remember, you can still bloom where you are stationed and can make the best of any duty station you might end up at.
Did your spouse get to choose your current duty station? What went into that decision?
8 Tips for Military Spouses That Struggle With Anxiety
8 Tips for Military Spouses That Struggle With Anxiety
Anxiety is rough. Anxiety goes beyond worry and a lot of time anxiety doesn’t make any sense. Anxiety can be brought on by stress and can be very difficult to deal with. As a military spouse, anxiety can bring up even more issues and knowing what to do when anxiety hits can be difficult.
Over the years I have experienced anxiety as a military spouse. I have cried more than I should. I have felt physical pain because of how anxious I was. I have been anxious about my kids, my car, my home, my husband, my future, money or anything else that could come up. I hate anxiety and yet some days I wake up to it, wishing it would leave me alone.
When you have a basic worry about something, you can look at the facts of the situation and talk yourself into not worrying about that issue anymore. Anxiety is a little different. Anxiety is feeling like you are worried about something but it might not even be a logical worry. Because it isn’t always so logical, anxiety is a lot more difficult to deal with.
Here are 8 tips for military spouses that struggle with anxiety:
1. It isn’t just you- Remember that you are not the only military spouse struggling with anxiety. You are not the only one trying to figure out how to be a supportive military spouse and dealing with the anxious thoughts you have or the pressure you feel from your anxiety. So many of us are dealing with this too.
2. It might not make sense- Anxiety is weird and as I said before, anxiety doesn’t always make any sense. I ask myself all the time why some days getting in a car is so hard for me and others it is as normal as brushing my teeth.
3. Seek extra help- If your anxiety gets to the point where you feel like you just can’t live a normal life anymore, talk to your doctor about what is going on. See about going to see a counselor. This will help a lot. Just being able to talk to a non-judgemental person who can offer you good advice can really go a long way.
4. Create a peaceful place in your home- When my husband was deployed the last time I created a special place in my home that I could go to when I was feeling really anxious. This allowed me a safe place where I could cry things out, write in my journal or just get back to a better place. See if you can create a place like this in your home to go to when you are feeling anxious.
5. Talk to others about anxiety- Talking to others about anxiety is helpful. People, in general, want to present themselves as having everything all together but so many of us are struggling with something. Talk to your good friends about what is going on. They might be able to offer their own stories and you can help one another out.
6. Take time for yourself- Yes, we need to stay busy during a deployment but we also need to take care of ourselves. If going out every day is too much for you, take a day off for yourself. If taking on one more thing is going to be too much, just say no. Make sure you are finding ways to take care of you even if it is something simple like a nightly bubble bath.
7. Dance it out- Dance, work out, do yoga, walk, run, find some type of exercise that you can do every day. This will help motivate you to get out of your house and help you as you make your way through military life.
8. Tell your spouse- Talk to your spouse about your struggles. Let them know how they can help. They might not understand what you are going through. They might not see how hard something simple is for you sometimes. Be open and honest with them so they can help support you.
Anxiety is something I will probably have to deal with for the rest of my life. Whether my husband is in the military or not. Whether we are going through difficult situations or not. Having good methods to help with my anxiety is a must.