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Balancing Life, Love, and the Demands of a Drill Sergeant’s Schedule

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I became an Army spouse back in 2012 in the Colorado Springs/Fort Carson area. This is where the journey began for my husband, myself, our daughter, and later, our son. Everyone says I can never be with someone in the Military. They always ask, “How do you do it?” My response is, “ I just do, because I love him.” Sounds so cliche, cheesy, corny even, but I have been managing this lifestyle for 13 years now, and each challenge has brought me and my spouse that much closer. 

When we received an abrupt notice that we were getting orders to Ft. Sill Oklahoma, my heart sunk. I was so nervous because I hadn’t heard much good things about the Drill Sgt. lifestyle. They train day and night with hardly any rest in between. There are strict rules about the trainees being left alone so there must be a Drill Sgt with them at all times until lights out. 

This has been very exhausting for my husband. He likes to stay physically fit and loves our family time. We have had to get creative on how to squeeze in any time together, whether it’s a quick coffee date or simply vegging around binge-watching a show on his days off.

The other challenge has been keeping in sync with each other’s schedules; we don’t always align. For instance, he works the weekends as well, so while he gets up at 4:30 a.m., the kids and I are trying to sleep in. He also can’t text or call me much because he is surrounded by trainees all day long, or he can even be in the field for hours. Communicating can be hard, too. 

This can make any social functions or planning very difficult because, just like any job in the military, they can’t request time off so easily. We have been adjusting and trying to make the most of the time we do have together.

How do I balance it all?

I am currently treating this time as if he were deployed even though he is at work, on base,15 miles down the road. I just do the things that bring me the most joy and whatever occupies my time. I got a new job, I’m exercising, I go on adventures with my kids, and I try to visit with my friends and family.

It all comes down to what you value the most and what is important to you. I do try my best to be home whenever I know he will be back so that I can at least get some time to catch up. I wash his uniforms, make him meals, pay bills, and do anything to make things easier for him. It is a very selfless time for me. I’ve even had Uber Eats send him his favorite food to his work site. 

I am looking forward to when this time-consuming schedule fades. I know it will all be worth the sacrifice. Counting down to retirement, but that is a whole other article. Stay positive, and best of luck in your adventures.

Thank you to Stacey for her guest post about being the spouse of a drill sergeant. If you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, please fill out my Guest Post Sign Up form.

Balancing Life, Love, and the Demands of a Drill Sergeant’s Schedule

9 Things in Life That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

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9 Things That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

This August, my husband and I will be celebrating our 23rd anniversary. In some ways, it seems like we just walked down the aisle. But when I look at my wedding photos, I can see that many years have passed since that day. For one thing, we look so young. I was 23; he was 26.

I have learned a lot about marriage in the last 23 years. I have also learned what it means to be in a military marriage, how to stay strong through deployments, and how to be the best wife I can be despite all the challenges thrown at us.

Check out The Blessing of a Military Marriage

The truth is, there are things that can help a military marriage and things that will hurt a military marriage. Whether you just walked down the aisle or did so a while ago, here are nine things that can hurt a military marriage that you should be aware of.

1. Not communicating

Married couples should be talking to one another, but sometimes that is hard to do. Everyday life can get in the way; deployments can get in the way, and the stress of everything can get in the way. Try to keep the lines of communication open.

If you can’t talk in person, write letters, email or plan to speak on the phone. Check-in with one another and try to make plans to hang out, even if you feel like two ships passing in the night.

2. Cheating

Cheating can tear your marriage apart. Whether it is physical or not, make sure you can protect your marriage. Make smart choices, especially when your spouse is away. Be the type of spouse that they can trust and not have to worry about when you are away from one another.

Set boundaries with other people. This will, of course, depend on your marriage, but make sure you are on the same page. Some couples are okay with more social time with the opposite sex; others are not. Make sure you talk about expectations and what is normal for your marriage.

 Check out 10 Ways To Save Money When You Need To Be On A Tight Budget

3. Money

So many couples fight about money. When two people raised differently come together and create their families, there will be tensions about money. If one of you was raised with a spending mindset and the other with a saving mentality, there will be friction regarding your budgets.

Make sure to spend time talking about your expectations, how much you should be spending, how much you should be saving, and figure out what your long-term goals are. Don’t hide money from each other, and be honest about your spending.

Saving Money in the Military


4. Children

Having children will add stress to your marriage. They will take up much of your time, and their needs will come first. Try to keep the perspective and still make time for your spouse.

Have date nights, even if that means making a nice dinner after the kids go to bed and curling up on your couch to watch a Netflix movie. Talk about your parenting strategies. There are many different ways to be a parent, and arguments can arise when you are not on the same page about raising your children.

Deployments can complicate this as one parent can leave when a child is just a few months old and come home to a toddler. The parent who was at home has a system and a plan, and the deployed parent has to figure out how to be involved again.

 Check out 10 Ways to Help Your Kids During a Deployment

5. Being cruel

Don’t be cruel to your spouse. That is not going to take you down the right path. Be loving and patient with them. Don’t seek ways to hurt them, and apologize when you do.

Do you know how they say never to go to bed angry? That is pretty much true. Try your best to work things out in a kind manner, and don’t be cruel and mean to each other. Not only is this destructive to your marriage, but kids can pick up on it too.

6. Acting immature

Being married means you need to stop acting childish. Even if you married young. You are an adult now, and you need to act like it.

Don’t try to live off of other people, work hard, and make the best of what you have. You will not be able to afford a brand new home right away, that might take years to get to a place where you can afford that. Be patient and know that over time, things will change, and you won’t always have to use a footlocker for your coffee table.

7. Taking bad advice

There is good advice and bad advice. Look to the people you trust and learn from them. Remember that no one is in your marriage, and no one can tell you precisely what to do. You can gain advice from others who have been there before and have wise words to say about whatever problem you are going through.

Be extra careful about family giving you advice. It could be very biased. If they never wanted you to get married in the first place, their advice might not help you in your current struggles. Find good friends that you trust to talk about your problems with.

8. Keeping things from your spouse

Don’t keep secrets from your spouse. Tell them what is going on and what they need to know. Of course, as military spouses, there will be times when we can’t talk to our spouses regularly. Because of this, it can feel like we are keeping secrets.

If something is noteworthy, write it down and tell them later. When it comes to sharing things with them when they are overseas, think about their personality and ask them what they would want you to do. Some people want to hear everything, and others can’t handle it.

grass is always greener


9. Assuming the grass will always be greener

If you have been married for a while, there will be things that start to annoy you about your spouse. Of course, this will happen; you are living together and raising a family together, and you will get on each other’s nerves sometimes. The truth is, everyone will annoy you at some point. Don’t assume the grass is greener somewhere else. Water your grass and keep your vows in mind.

How long have you been married?

9 Things in Life That Can Hurt a Military Marriage

9 Uplifting Bible Verses to Support You on Difficult Deployment Days

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Deployment days are not all the same. Some will have you wanting to pull your hair out, while others will be a little calmer. When we were going through our military deployments, one of the things that helped me get through was thinking about different mantras and bible verses to remind me that I could get through the days ahead.

We often doubt ourselves when going through a deployment, especially during more difficult deployment days. Here are nine encouraging Bible verses to keep around for your next deployment. I will start with my personal favorite, Joshua 1:9, which got me through more than one difficult deployment day:

Uplifting Bible Verses to Support You

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” – Psalm 121:1-2

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” – Psalm 46:1

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27

Although a Bible verse or inspiring quote might not make you love a deployment, what would honestly? They can help you overcome a difficult time or remind you of the bigger picture.

Do you have a special verse or quote that inspires you?

10 Tips For a Military Spouse Getting Ready to Go Through This Holiday Season With a Deployed Spouse

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It’s almost November, that means the holiday season is right around the corner. November brings colder weather, sweaters, hot chocolate, lighted fireplaces, and Thanksgiving. December brings Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years, and snowy days.

This time of year is festive and made for families, but what happens when your spouse is deployed? What do you do when Thanksgiving this year is just you and your three-year-old, while your husband is serving overseas? How do you get excited about Christmas when you know the whole day you will be missing the love of your life? How do you get through the holidays when all you want to do is spend your first Christmas together, but you can’t because they are away on the other side of the world?

Here are ten tips for a military spouse getting ready to go through this holiday season with a deployed spouse:

1. Decorate like you normally would

Set up the tree, put out your decorations, and get your home looking like you usually do during this time of year. Just because your spouse is gone, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t decorate. You might even want to buy a few new decorations this season. Keeping your home festive will help with your mood, even if you are missing your spouse.

2. Focus on your daily work

Whether you work outside the home, work from home, or stay at home with the kids, focus on what you have to do each day. Don’t slack off on what you need to be doing. Focusing on your work will keep you busy and allow time to pass.

3. Plan to Facetime

Facetime or Skype as often as you can during this time of year. Even if you only chat for a few minutes. Seeing one another or getting excited about the holidays together can help your mood.

10 Tips For a Military Spouse Getting Ready to Go Through This Holiday Season With a Deployed Spouse

4. Send an amazing holiday package

Put together an amazing holiday care package for your spouse. Include some Christmas treats or anything you know they would love. You can fill a stocking, make baked goods, or just include some of their favorite items to help them celebrate the holidays, even when they are away from home.

5. Volunteer

If you can, spend time volunteering during this time of year. A lot of organizations are in need of helpers this time of year. You could volunteer at a soup kitchen, work to bring gifts to those who can’t afford them, or just be there to step in within your community. Giving back is a way to get the focus off of what you are missing and to help others.

6. Spend it with family

If you can, plan a trip back home. No, it will not be the same since your spouse is deployed but it can still be a fun holiday. Your kids can be around family and see what Christmas was like for your growing up.

10 Tips For a Military Spouse Getting Ready to Go Through This Holiday Season With a Deployed Spouse

7. Spend it with friends

If you can’t go home, find some friends in a similar boat as you are. Make plans to hang out during Thanksgiving or Christmas. You don’t have to spend all of Christmas day together but coming together on that day for a meal or even dessert can be good for all of you.

8. Open presents over Skype

If your spouse is deployed over Christmas or Hanukkah, you can film or Facetime/Skype while you are opening presents. This can be a way to bring in your deployed spouse to the day. One option is to set up your video camera to record the whole thing. This is nice when you have young children and your spouse still wants to see the joy of Christmas as they open their gifts.

9. Let the kids help

Let your kids help you decorate. Have them put the ornaments on the tree or come up with a different holiday theme. If you know they won’t want to eat a traditional meal, do something different. You can do whatever you want to have those special memories with your kids.

10. Celebrate early, or late

As military families, sometimes you will need to celebrate early or late. If they are going to deploy in November or December, celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas early. Do everything you would typically do, but on a different day. That way when the actual holiday rolls around you know that you were able to celebrate together anyway.

Remember, if they are gone this holiday season, they will probably be home the next. Try not to think they are missing a huge part of life. It might feel like they are at the moment, but in the grand scheme of things, it is simply one year.

You can still have a fantastic holiday season, even if you are missing them. What tips do you have for surviving the holiday season without your spouse?

What Milspouses Need When They Are Feeling Lonely

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Loneliness and deployments go hand and hand, don’t they? It just seems to be apart of the deal. We miss our spouse or partner when they are away, and that loneliness can come after too many days apart.

I know I feel it. Sometimes very strongly.

Loneliness can hit at the most random of times. From when I see another couple holding hands or our favorite song comes on the radio…yes I sometimes still listen to the radio, don’t judge 😉

Right after my husband left for his first deployment, I was sitting with a few other wives. We were waiting to see the men drive by on the buses, so we could wave goodbye one last time. As we sat there, we really didn’t know what we were really dealing with.

We didn’t know then how hard the deployment would be. How scary the deployment would feel at times. We really had no idea how lonely we would feel over the months our husbands were deployed.

As the deployment got going, the feeling of loneliness took over me. I remember sitting in my bathroom, after my son went to sleep, wondering how I was going to get through that time without my husband. He is the one person I could talk to about anything.

Even the silly things. The everyday things. The things spouses talk about with one another.

So what can you do when you are feeling so lonely during a deployment? What do milspouses need when they are feeling this way?

A true community

Maybe it is online, maybe it is friends at your duty station, but you need to find some type of community. A group of people to help you through and help you get through that loneliness.

Finding that community can be quite difficult sometimes. You might not feel like you belong or that anyone else cares. But people do, many people do. You just have to find them.

Military spouse communities can be your best support. Other spouses who get it and understand. Other spouses who know all about that deployment loneliness and can get what you are going through.

A good support system

Your support system goes even deeper than your community. It is your parents and your siblings and your friends back at home. It is your milspouse best friend and your civilian neighbors that can help you out when you need it.

Us military spouses need people we can vent to without judgment. We need people who we can call if we have to take a kid to the ER or need someone to help us out with some type of issue. And we need people we can connect with when that loneliness sets in.

Ways to stay busy

Staying busy is one of the best things you can do to get through a deployment. Even more so when that loneliness sets in. You can stay busy in your home, working on projects. You can stay busy by going out, and even hanging out with other people.

Although right now that might be a bit difficult with 2020 and all, normally, finding those friends to spend time with will speed up your deployment.

Back when we were going through a deployment in Germany, a friend and I would let each other know when we needed a “steak night.” That meant, going to one of our houses, ordering pizza for the kids, and making ourselves a nice steak dinner.

It was a way to stay busy, spend time with friends, and that helped so much with the loneliness both of us were feeling.

What do you do when you are starting to feel lonely during a deployment?

9 Reasons You Know You Are Married To A Soldier

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I feel like the Army surrounds me, every day. We live near Fort Campbell, which is a very Army town. There is no getting away from Army life around here. Whether it is hearing that a friend’s husband is deploying soon, seeing at all the bumper stickers on the cars, or even hearing training on post, even from 15 minutes away.

Being a solder’s wife has been an interesting journey. Some of what we have dealt with has been so difficult and frustrating, other things, have been sweet and beautiful.

9 Reasons You Know You Are Married To A Soldier

Here are 9 reasons you know you are married to a soldier:

1. You go to post, not base, but sometimes you still call it that.

Yes, you know it is an Army POST not base, but a lot of civilians call it that and sometimes you do too. Everyone knows what you are talking about.

2. Fort Campbell, Fort Carson, and Fort Riley are on your wish list.

Everyone has places they want to go; some posts are more popular than others. What are your favorites?

3. People always ask you if you have watched Army Wives.

Yep, get asked this question all the time. And yes, I have watched Army Wives. And no, it isn’t just like our lives. Far from it in some episodes more than others.

4. Deployments. Deployments. Deployments. 

This could be my infantry wife side speaking, but Army life means deployments, at least in my experience. And while deployments are difficult, you can get through them, even if it is just one day at a time.

9 Reasons You Know You Are Married To A Soldier

5. Army stuff, everywhere.

Whether they are coming home or getting ready to leave. Whether it’s your closet or your garage. Whether it is your car or theirs. Army stuff everywhere.

6. “First to fight for the right,
And to build the Nation’s might,
And The Army Goes Rolling Along.
Proud of all we have done,
Fighting till the battle’s won,
And the Army Goes Rolling Along.”

Enough said.

7. You shop at the PX, especially when you are overseas.

The exchange is the PX, not the BX. During my time as a military spouse, I haven’t heard many people mix that up, especially when you are overseas and the exchange is your Walmart.

8. You can get stationed in Hawaii, Alaska, or Germany, or all three.

Yes, you can. If you can go overseas, the Army does have a lot of OCONUS choices. And if you are lucky, you can go to more than one. Unless you are too homesick for the US, in which case there are plenty of CONUS based Army posts you could end up at too.

9. You know what an FRG is; sometimes you go, sometimes you stay home.

Yep, we have FRGs in the Army. While they don’t always work out and they might frustrate you, going to at least one FRG meeting when you get to a new duty station is a good idea. You never know, you might get lucky and end up in a good one.

While this blog post is about being married to a soldier, I would love to have guest posts based on other branches. If you are interested, please email me at julie@soldierswifecrazylife.com

10 Lessons You Learn During Life As A Military Spouse

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Life always teaches you something. No matter what you are going through, there is always something new to learn. And if you are a military spouse, there are many lessons you can gain through military life.

Here are 10 of them:

  • That you can, in fact, do things on your own, without your spouse by your side

Before your spouse joined the military, you might have assumed there were certain things you needed them to be there for. You will learn quickly that this is not the case. At the same time, while you realize you can do things without them, you won’t always want to. And that is one reason why a deployment can be so hard.

  • That the military doesn’t always know what they are doing, or so it seems

You will learn pretty quickly that the military doesn’t always seem like it knows what it is doing. It will seem like the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing. This can be so frustrating but then you get to the point where you say, “well that’s the Army for you” or whatever branch your spouse serves in.

  • That you might think you are going to PCS somewhere, and you could possibly end up somewhere else instead

PCS orders can be, well, interesting. Sometimes they change. You might hear Fort Campbell, get researching the schools in Tennessee, make a bucket list of things you want to see, and boom, they get changed to Fort Bliss.

  • That you might just get to a point during a deployment where you feel like you are rocking it

I know it might not seem like you will ever feel like you are “rocking a deployment” but you might just get there. And when you do, the feeling is amazing. Just keep doing what you can and you might find yourself there before you know it.

  • That after that point, you might hit a snag, and feel like you really are not rocking a deployment at all

And while feeling like you are “rocking a deployment” is amazing, it can be way too easy to hit a bump in the road and feel like no longer are. That’s okay though. The roller coaster emotions during a deployment are normal and to be expected.

  • That how one military spouse gets through a deployment can be different than another

I traveled a bit during my second deployment, and it was a lot of fun. Traveling also helped pass the time. But, during our 1st and 3rd deployments, that would have been very difficult to do just because of the ages of my kids and what was going on. We all find what works for us during a deployment and it doesn’t have to be the same as what works for others.

  • That you might just make a best friend in the least likely of places

You might assume that going to regular play dates, sporting events for your kids, or the FRG might be where you meet your military best friend. While meeting friends at these places happens a lot, you might be surprised where you do meet your next BFF. It could happen during the long lines at the commissary on payday, or through a friend of a friend, you met three duty stations ago. Be open to new friends and see what happens.

  • That you will miss something about that duty station after you leave, even if you hate the place right now

I know, I know, what is there to love about a duty station in the middle of nowhere? Trust me, after you PCS and live somewhere else for a while, you will miss something about that place. This is just how things work. Even if all you miss are the people.

  • That you will start to nitpick movies and television shows who portray the military

From Army Wives to a movie on the big screen, you are going to start to notice how Hollywood gets the military so very wrong. From the wrong type of uniform to calling a marine a soldier, there are way too many mistakes out there. At the same time, you might not let them bother you and still wonder if you are more a Roxy or a Claudia Joy.

  • That you will get homesick, even if you love where you are stationed

You could be living in Europe, surrounded by castles and green hills, and will still feel homesick sometimes. This is just a big part of military life and while some experience homesickness more than others, you will figure out how to deal with those feelings.

Every year I learn something new about military life. I am always shocked by this but it is true. I try to look at each military experience as a way to grow and learn a little bit more about this lifestyle we have chosen.

What is a lesson you have learned during your time as a military spouse?

When Their Job Comes First

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The Military Has to Come First

We hear so often not to put your job before family. We hear so often that you should find a family-friendly workplace. We hear so often that these things are important, and they are, they really are.

But…

For the military spouse, married to a service member, their job has to come first. Sometimes at the worst time. Sometimes at the time you really need them.

The truth of the military is that the Army, or the Navy, or the Marine Corps, or whatever the branch has to come first.

The truth is, the military shakes up your life when you don’t want anything to do with the military at that moment.

When Their Job Comes First

The truth is, your spouse might have to go, go overseas, fight in a war, and they will have to go.

No matter how much they love you.

No matter how much they want to stay.

No matter how many other times they have had to be away.

When you married your service member, you knew they would be gone, you knew they wouldn’t always be with you. But the reality that the military does come first isn’t always easy to take.

Sometimes a deployment will come, right after a child get diagnosed with autism.

Sometimes a deployment will come, right after a miscarriage or other loss.

Sometimes a deployment will come right when a spouse is trying to heal from something that they feel they need their spouse there for.

Sometimes the timing just isn’t right, but there isn’t a lot you can do about that. The job has to come first.

There are times when things can be changed. There are compassionate reassignments. Commands can hold people back for a few months from a deployment. They can send them home early in some circumstances. But none of that is promised. None of that is 100%.

And trying to come to terms with everything isn’t easy. Trying to be “okay” with the military coming first isn’t easy. Figuring out ways to get through these difficult times isn’t easy.

Here are a few things you can do to help when you know the job has to come first.

Find a good support system

Basically, find your people. Both online and IRL. Find people who support you, and love you. They will be the ones to help you through.

Remember why they joined

When you are feeling really down about everything military related, remember why they joined the military in the first place. Remember why they enlisted. Thinking about all of that can put things in perspective.

Make a detailed plan

You might be going through something you need your spouse there for, but the military has to come first. So, what will you do about it? Who will you go to instead? You will need to come up with a plan.

Figure out what will make things easier for you. That could be hiring a babysitter once a week, starting a new workout plan, or creating a list of services you can call when the need arises.

Since we are all different people, our lists might not look the same, but making a good list of how you will get through this time is important.

Remember, even though the job or the mission has to come first, there are also periods of time when the family does. Maybe this is block leave after a deployment, or having your soldier stay home a few extra weeks to be there for the birth of your baby.

There are times when they will be home early and have days off. Remembering these moments isn’t always easy, especially when you are not currently living them but, they will come again, I promise.

What is the best way to handle the disappointment of when the job has to come first? What do you do to help you through?