Soldier's Wife, Crazy Life

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How Military Spouses Can Chase Their Dreams During Military Life

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How Military Spouses Can Chase Their Dreams During Military Life

One of the hot topics in the military spouse world is how we, as military spouses, can chase our dreams during the craziness of military life. There is always a reason not to move forward, and there always seem to be obstacles in our way. But does it have to be this way?

Here are a few things you can do to still chase your dreams as a military spouse:

Go to School

Going to school is something you can do to further your own career. You can go back to school, and finish a degree you have already started. You can look to get another degree or to start college in the first place. You have a lot of options for what you can do to further your education.

Sit down and think about what you would want to do. Look at the different programs that are out there and figure out what will work for you. Take the first step and look into applying to get started. You will be glad that you did.

Write a Book

Do you know much about a topic you want to share with the world? Are you a fiction writer, ready to start putting your stories down on paper? Maybe now is the time for you to write your book. If nothing else, get your ideas out on paper and see where that leads.

These days, you don’t have to go with a traditional publisher. Many writers self-publish their own Ebooks, and that can be an option for you. Do your research on writing a book and follow your book writing dream.

Start a Business

Military spouses love to start businesses. There are different ways to do this too. You can join a direct sales business and skip some of the steps to get started. You might be a creator and can start to sell your own homemade products. For some, selling advice or career help can be a way to get going on a business.

There are so many options these days, and you are not limited by what is available locally. The whole internet is at your fingertips. Military spouses are rocking it as successful entrepreneurs and that might be the right direction for you too.

Find a new job

Maybe you are a SAHM or maybe you are in a job you are not too excited about. Finding a new job could be the answer. You can find a job that will get you closer to where you want to be in the long term.

How Military Spouses Can Chase Their Dreams During Military Life

For example, if you are good at managing your money, you might consider a career as a financial advisor. First Command explains a bit why in this article.

Don’t get discouraged about finding a job and keep looking until you find something. Sometimes this might mean thinking outside the box. You might not always end up with your dream job, your current duty station could make that impossible, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find something that will work for the current season of your life.

Sign-up for LinkedIn

LinkedIn is more than just a place to search for jobs. LinkedIn is filled with networking opportunities. You never know who you might connect with or what that relationship will lead to.

Volunteer

There are always plenty of volunteer opportunities in your community. Some might be on base or post, and some might be off. If you want to work on a particular career in the future, look at what you can do that is similar or will help you later on. Volunteer work can look excellent on a resume and can fill in gaps if you are unable to find another type of job.

Whatever you decide to do, remember, your dreams are important too. While there could be certain circumstances when you can’t do exactly what you want to do for your career or your future during certain seasons of life, that does not mean this will be the case forever. Don’t be afraid to dream big, know that you can follow your own heart, and figure out how to make things work during your spouse’s military career.

How have you worked on your own career during your time as a military spouse?

5 Truths About Finding Community When You Feel Alone

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5 Truths About Finding Community When You Feel Alone

Moving every few years means you have to find a new friend base every few years, which can be complicated. You can and should keep in touch with friends across the miles. These friends might live in your phone the rest of your life, but those relationships are important. However, finding your people where you live is important too.

But getting out there, getting rejected, or feeling like you might be alone can make finding friends more difficult. The truth is, finding your people isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it can take a lot of time and work, and that can be emotionally exhausting.

Here are some truths about finding community when you do feel alone:

It won’t look the same every time

At some duty stations, you might find your people right away. Only to move and have it take forever to do the same somewhere else. This is just how life works. Don’t give up hope if it is harder than it used to be. Your people are still out there.

You’re allowed to grieve your last community

Leaving a community you love is disappointing, and it’s okay to grieve that. You don’t want to let it keep you from trying in your new home, but it is okay to be sad about having to move away from it.

You might have to make the first move

I know, I know. This is the hard part. But you might have to make the first move with a potential new friendship. You may need to reach out and ask if you want to meet for coffee, a playdate, or even a night out without the kids. This can be hard to do, but it can also be the opening to a wonderful friendship.

Friendships for a season

Some friendships might be for a season. What happens if you meet someone with only a few months left at your new duty station? They can still be worth friending even if you won’t live in the same place for long. Making friends can lead to other friends and connections. And even just a few months is enough time to make fun memories.

People are always coming and going in the military community, so don’t shy away from meeting people who might not physically be around for long. You can still keep in touch, and you might be surprised by how your friendship can develop, even across the miles.

You are worthy of friendship, no matter who you are

You are worthy of finding friends, your people, and your community. You won’t always connect with everyone, and that’s okay. You may have to put yourself out there more than you want to, but finding those people can all be worth it.

Military life is hard, and being able to do it with people by your side makes it all so much easier. Even if it doesn’t look how you want it to look for a season. Remember, things change, and you never know what the next day, week, month, or year might bring.

5 Truths About Finding Community When You Feel Alone

15 Tips For Surviving Your First Deployment

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I can still remember driving up to where we would drop off my husband. Other wives and children were already there. There were so many people standing around, worried and sad.  Soon, it was time to say goodbye. This was it.

He was really leaving. After we said our goodbyes, he kissed me and our 2-year-old goodbye, and he went to the gate. There, the men waited for what seemed like forever. Then they headed for the bus. I waited with the other wives.

And then waited some more. Then we saw the buses. They pulled out from where they were parked, with our husbands inside. The buses went right by us, and we waved. Then we cried. This was it. My first deployment. How was I going to make it through?

Somehow, I did just that. I got through this deployment. My husband left for Iraq for the first time in August 2006. 18 years have passed since that day and yet that day is still so fresh in my mind. I can still remember how I felt when he got on that bus when he said goodbye to us and started to walk away.

You won’t ever forget a deployment, and you are never going to forget your first deployment. You just don’t know how things are going to go, and you have no experience sending your spouse off to war.

Here are 15 tips for surviving your first deployment…

1. Find your battle buddies- You will need people to walk through this deployment with. They don’t necessarily have to be going through a deployment, too, but that helps. Having people to make plans with and go to on a regular basis during the deployment is going to help you a lot. If you don’t have any friends at your current duty station, see what you can do to get yourself out there to try to make some. They will make the deployment a little bit easier.

2. Invest in a journal- I love journaling. Doing so regularly can be good for you, especially during a deployment. Getting your thoughts out and doing a bit of a brain dump can be helpful when you can’t sleep or if you are feeling really anxious.

3. Remember, this is temporary– During my deployments, I would remind myself that the deployment was temporary. That feeling alone was temporary. That I would not always have to miss my husband and that he would be home after so many days. That the deployment ache I was feeling was only going to be around for a temporary amount of time.

4. Go Home—Going home for a deployment might be a good option for you. There are many factors to consider when making this decision. Consider whether going home would be good for you or if staying where you are would be best.

5. Ignore advice that doesn’t work for you- There are a lot of books and blog posts out there about deployments, and this is one of them. It’s okay if you read advice about how to survive a deployment and either don’t agree or don’t think the advice would work for you. We are all our own people and what works for one person might not work for another. Read the advice and find what will work for you.

6. Don’t stress the small stuff—Let it go. If you find yourself being stressed about little things, let them go. During a deployment, you will be more stressed out. You will be playing the role of both mom and dad, and you simply don’t have the time or patience to deal with little things. This might mean having to let something go or having to find new people to hang out with if your current friend circle is causing too much drama.

7. See what your post or base offers- You should take the time to look on your military post or military base to see what activities or programs they have available to you. As a deployed spouse, there might be certain benefits such as free babysitting or events and you will want to take part in them.

8. You are stronger than you think- You might not feel very strong at the moment. There might be too many days left to get through but you are stronger than you think and you can usually get through situations you never thought you could. Military life will make you a stronger person.

9. You are not the only one- However you are feeling during the deployment, know that you are not alone. There are other spouses out there feeling the same way that you are.

10. Not everyone is going to understand- The truth is, not everyone is going to understand how you are feeling during a deployment. Some spouses don’t struggle as much with deployments, and civilian friends might not know what it is like to live without a spouse. You should find people that let you be yourself during a deployment and stay away from those that bring you down.

11. Cry it out- Feel like you need to cry? Do so. Have a good cry and let everything out. Doing so will help you get through your day. Crying does not mean you are not strong. Crying is one way to release your emotions and doing so can be a good thing.

12. Be trustworthy- When you are away from your spouse you both need to be able to trust one another. Be a spouse that your husband can trust. Be there for them and let them know you are standing by while they do their job overseas. This will make the deployment a little easier on them and easier on you.

13. Don’t worry about the next one- Sometimes you will hear about the next deployment during your current deployment. Try not to let that bother you. That is in the future and you will have plenty of time to worry about that deployment then. In some cases, that future deployment might not happen. Try to just focus on the now and not worry about what will come in the months or years to come.

14. Get creative- Deployments can bring out your creativity. Design something, plan a trip, or just have extra fun with your kids. This will make the deployment go by a little faster.

15. Seek help if needed- In the end, if you are really struggling, seek help. You can see a counselor or a Chaplain. Don’t feel bad for having to do this. Going through a deployment can bring up a lot of emotions and you might struggle to know how to handle all of them. You can visit Military One Source for more information.

What tip would you give someone on surviving their first deployment?

15 Tips For Surviving Your First Deployment

How One Military Spouse Said Yes to the Journey and Ended Up With An Amazing Career

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Animal in africa

Wouldn’t it be fun to be in the same Time Zone? This question kept bouncing around in my head. My husband had been called up from the US Navy Reserves and was stationed at As Sayliyah Army Base, Qatar.

After 18 years of marriage, I was used to the Active Duty / Civilian Life hybrid. On 9-11, as I watched the second Twin Tower fall, my husband called from work. He asked me to be prepared to take a phone call from his Navy Reserve Command. By that afternoon, I received the call that he was to report for Duty immediately. Now, nine years later, it was time for him to once again report for Active Duty. 

After we were married, as the “trailing spouse,” nonprofits were my specialty. With a passion for Human Rights and International Development, I spent most of my time Stateside, occasionally taking short assignments in Africa. With my husband being recalled to Qatar, it seemed like the right time to take the leap. I was going to work in Africa full-time.  

Elephant in Africa

Easier said than done. For months, I started going to job sites and scouring openings each day. One day, at my wit’s end, I called my husband and started moaning and complaining. “There is nothing out there. No job fits my skillset.” My kind husband sternly told me to find two jobs.

Regardless of how well they fit, apply. Knowing he was right, I went back online and was surprised to find an opening I hadn’t seen before. Odd, as it was posted over a month before. While not exactly my skillset, it was in the perfect place for me, South Sudan. 

As fate would have it, I had been working with the Lost Boys and South Sudan on the Referendum for Independence. In 2011, the Republic of South Sudan became the newest nation on Earth. If I could land this job, I’d not only fulfill my dream of truly helping build the nation, but I could also be in the same Time Zone as my husband. I applied.

Africa

Fast forward several months, and I received an email. Would I be willing to come to New York City for a job interview? What an opportunity! I walked around Central Park discussing my role with the Wildlife Conservation Society South Sudan.

It was a hot Summer Day in NYC. Many of the questions kept coming back to my being a Military Spouse. Interestingly, I later found out that this played a key role in their hiring me. They believed my ability to handle life as a MilSpouse showed that I could live and work in South Sudan. I had hit the MilSpouse Lottery! Woohoo!

In reality, my husband was feted by the Qataris. He enjoyed Jet Skiing and friendly Shooting Competitions with his Qatari counterparts. As I lay sweating in our Juba Guesthouse, listening to Antonovs circling the skies, his Army Chaplain frequently asked if I was okay. But, even though our camp in Boma, South Sudan, had become snake-infested, I forged lifelong friendships. 

Animals in Africa

Out of hardship comes strength and clarity. I so deeply love our mission of saving Africa’s Wildlife that it became my mission. Upon returning home, when my husband’s tour ended, I founded my company, Flyga Twiga. For the past 11 years, I have been helping others experience Africa at its best. 

Safari is the Swahili word for “journey”. Just as we are on the MilSpouse journey. I think a key MilSpouse Super Power is the ability to say yes. Yes to the journey. Yes to opportunities. Yes to embracing the unknown. Yes to adventure. Saying yes to the wonderful, Crazy Life!

Amy Millican is Owner & Founder of, Flyga Twiga™ LLC, a Personal Safari Service, specializing in East and Southern African bespoke Safaris. Named One of Top “21 Businesses We Love” by Military Spouse Magazine. The United States Military affiliated are Flyga Twiga’s primary Clients. Amy lives and works out of South Korea, home to the largest overseas US Military Base. 

Thank you to Amy for her guest post about how she took the opportunity to work with the Wildlife Conservation Society in South Sudan while her husband was in Qatar. If you would like to write a guest post for Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life, please fill out my Guest Post Sign Up form.

To the Military Spouse Whose Season of Deployment is Over

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When Your Season of Deployment Is Over

When my husband first deployed to Iraq, I was 27. I am now 46. The time between now and then seems impossible. Almost 20 years? How?

He deployed three more times in the seven years following that deployment. We had two more children and returned to the US after four years in Germany.

It felt like the deployments were never going to end! It felt like he would always be deployed and always have to be away from us. But here is the truth about time in the military: It does eventually end. Not only that, but deployment schedules change over time based on many factors.

My Husband Is Now Retired From the Military

My husband retired from the military last year after 21 years of service, and we are now living the veteran life. Coming from the National Guard, some things didn’t change much for us, unlike how they would have had he retired from active duty.

One of the most significant changes is that he will never be called up again. He will never come home from a drill weekend with news of a deployment. He will never be called up to go if something goes down in the US. We will never again have to cancel plans because of the military. That chapter of our lives is forever over.

The Season of Deployment Is Now Officially Over

The season of deployment is over for us. We are done worrying about, thinking about, and wondering about deployments. It is in our past, and wow, that takes some getting used to.

When you have been doing something for so long, when something has been a part of your life for so long, it’s a weird feeling when suddenly, that chapter of your life is over.

I like to look at my life, especially my military life in seasons. And now we are in a different one. But you can be sure I have taken what I learned during seasons of deployment with me. I have learned so much from letting my husband go, being a solo parent, and sending him off to places unknown. I am not the same person I was when he first joined the military.

We All Change After 20 Years

Then again, no matter your lifestyle, who is the same person after 20 years? Life experiences change us. They just do. And for me, so much of the last 20 years has been spent in military mode. The next 20 will look a little different.

Veteran life can be complicated in many different ways. From finding the right after-military job to dealing with a change in benefits, there is much to take in and a lot to get used to. When I was a younger military spouse, it always felt like retirement was so far away, but then we were there, saying goodbye to military life and embracing all this new season has to offer.

If you are just now entering this season, or for whatever reason, you know deployments are no longer in your future, know that your feelings are valid. Even if you find yourself missing parts of time away from your spouse.

Veteran Spouses Have Much to Offer Military Spouses

As military spouses, we have to find ways to get through deployments and that time apart, and we can grow for the better through some of that. The military lifestyle creates independence, and we can sometimes get much more done while they are away from us. When your spouse is home and not going anywhere, it can take some getting used to.

As veteran spouses, we also have so much to offer military spouses. We can be a listening ear since we have been there before. We can advise on deployments, PCSing, and military life in general. We can use what we have learned to help those currently going through it.

Resources to Help Transitioning Military Spouses

If your service member is about to retire or has just done so, and you are a bit nervous, I want to reassure you that you are not alone.

Here are some resources that can help:

The Department of Defense’s Military Spouse Transition Program

Transition & Strengths Coaching Services

Benefits for Spouse of a Military Retiree

What Milspouses Should Know Before Military Retirement

To the Military Spouse Whose Season of Deployment is Over

Does TRICARE Cover Doulas? What You Need to Know for Your Next Birth

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Does TRICARE pay for doulas?

Before I had my own children, I went through doula training and attended quite a few births. I absolutely loved it. When I had my first child, I had a doula at my birth.

Doulas can provide fantastic support for a woman during childbirth. According to DONA International, a doula is “a trained professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to their client before, during and shortly after childbirth to help them achieve the healthiest, most satisfying experience possible.”

A doula can be perfect for anyone, but it is pretty much a must for a military spouse giving birth without their spouse by their side. The question is, does TRICARE cover a doula? Yes, they do. They have since 2022 and just expanded overseas on January 1, 2025.

The TRICARE Childbirth and Breastfeeding Support Demonstration (CBSD) includes certified non-medical labor doulas, certified lactation consultants, and certified lactation counselors. The certification and participation requirements were also updated on January 1st.

Which TRICARE do you need to receive this TRICARE benefit?

To receive these benefits, you will need to have:

  • TRICARE Prime
  • TRICARE Prime Remote
  • TRICARE Select

How do we use a doula with TRICARE?

If you would like to use a doula with TRICARE or any of the other CBSD benefits and you are stationed in the United States (CONUS), then you don’t need any referrals. However, if you have TRICARE Prime, you will need a referral from your PCM (Primary Care Manager) if you see a non-network provider. There could be extra charges if you apply without that referral.

If you are stationed overseas (OCONUS), you must register for the CBSD before getting services. You can do so through International SOS on the TRICARE Overseas website. Make sure to register as early as possible in your pregnancy. They will let you know within 14 days if they can find a TRICSRE-Authorized provider where you are stationed.

What else should you know about getting a Doula through TRICARE?

You must be at least 20 weeks pregnant to qualify for a doula. You also need to plan to give birth outside of a military hospital or clinic. And thirdly, you need to see a TRICARE authorized provider for your birth event.

As of January 1st, 2025, they will cover up to six hours of visits by a certified labor doula. These hours can be split into 15-minute increments. Then, you also get one untimed visit during the actual birth.

For more information, please visit the TRICARE Childbirth and Breastfeeding Support Demonstration page.

The Best Lessons a Military Spouse Can Learn

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The Best Lessons a Military Spouse Can Learn

As we are getting close to the end of this decade, I decided to go into my Shutterfly account and try to organize my photos a bit more. As I was looking through older photos I came across one from Thanksgiving 2012.

I think my husband was home, but we got together with a bunch of friends and their kids and looking at that photo brought back so many memories. Of time with this circle of friends. A group that slowly fell apart because of one move or one PCS after another.

I am actually still here, and everyone else has moved on but it really made me think about what we go through as military spouses. I thought about all the lessons we can learn during our time as a military spouse. It really made me reflected on how I have grown as a person over the years since my husband re-joined the military so many years ago. I’m sure many of you can relate 🙂

Friendships Won’t Stay the Same

I love having a friend circle. A group of other women I can talk with, vent with, and depend on. A group of other people who get me.

I am so thankful I have found this during my years as a military spouse, however, my friend circles are always temporary. Always. Sure, I am still friends with those people, we keep in touch for the most part, and follow each others lives.

But it will never be the same as it was when we all lived in the same town, or when our husbands were all deployed, or when we all had two-year-old boys to entertain, just trying to figure out how to get through the day.

Time moves own, PCSing happens, and we figure out how to say goodbye and go forward.

And that is just apart of this military life. A part that is hard to take sometimes. A part that will stop you in your tracks as you remember a fun memory or a time when you were all together.

I also know that those memories will always be with me. I will never forget the Space-A trip we took together when our husbands were deployed, the late-night shopping on Black Friday, or just the simple day-to-day moments of getting together to let the kids play.

I still value these friendships even though the miles separate us. I still think about these women, even if we never talk anymore. And I always have hope of finding new friends along the way. Not to replace the old, but to add to my life experiences.

Homesickness Can Hit Hard

I haven’t lived at my parent’s house full time since I left for college over twenty years ago. I still get homesick. I still have moments where I think for a few minutes about how I could move back.

Wherever you call home will probably always call to you in some way. Maybe it is your family, and all the fun you have together. Maybe it is the warmth you feel every time you visit your hometown. Maybe it is just longing for a place that is so imprinted on your heart, you know you will never truly let it go.

I always wanted to move away from home. I always wanted to see other places and experience different ways of living. But there is still apart of me that can get pretty homesick sometimes. It doesn’t last too long but the feeling is there.

You might be ready to take on the world. You might be living in Europe or Japan and know how exciting it is that you get to do so. And you might be hit with homesickness all the same. Hitting you in the face when you least expect it too.

I think this is just another part of military life we military spouses can experience. We are the family that doesn’t live there anymore. We can feel like the outsider. And those emotions aren’t always easy to deal with at times.

Making our new duty station or city feel like home is key. Even if we know we will only be there for a few years, we can figure out ways to connect to our community, and enjoy what is before us.

Deployments Can Be Good For Us

I never wanted my husband to deploy. The deployments were never at the right time…and always seem to throw a wrench into the plan for my life. However, in someways deployments were good for me.

I learned how to be more independent whether that meant taking care of two toddlers by myself or learning to mow the lawn and other chores I otherwise never would have done.

I figured out that I am stronger than I think I am. I figured out that I could do things that I never dreamed were possible. And that if I have to do them in the future, I can handle what comes our way.

I learned how I can truly be a good friend to a struggling military spouse and how to let people help when I was the one in need.

Deployments can be too long and make you just want to cry but they can also help you grow as a person. I will always be thankful for that.

Plans Change And That’s Okay

How many times have plans changed for you as a military spouse? Maybe you went through an unexpected deployment or a PCS to a place you never thought you would end up. Whatever it is, you start to get used to things always changing in the military.

I really learned this during our 15-month deployment that was at one point only supposed to be 9 months, then later 12. I learned this when I was told it would take just about a month to join my husband in Germany and we had to wait 4.5. I learned this when he deployed for the 3rd time and we weren’t sure if he would be gone for 5 months or over a year.

Things change all the time and nothing can feel predictable. But…sometimes these changes end up bringing us to a better place. Sometimes these changes lead us to places and people we never would have imagined. Sometimes these changes were exactly what we needed in our life.

This isn’t to say that every time the military changes its mind we should be happy about it. It’s okay to be frustrated but it can also give us an opportunity for growth and change that we never would have had otherwise. A chance to embrace something a little scary and see where that might lead.

What lessons have you learned as a military spouse this last year?

Don’t forget to check out The Newbie’s Guide to Military Life: Surviving a PCS and More by Soldier’s Wife, Crazy Life and Mrs Navy Mama. Your guide for learning about military life.

9 Things You Wish Were True About Military Life

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9 Things You Wish Were True About Military Life

Military life can be a crazy ride. From deployments to PCSing every few years, this life isn’t without its struggles. Some days we wish we had a magic wand to make everything a little easier.

So let’s have some fun…here are 9 things you wish were true about military life:

  • That every deployment came with a nanny

Let’s face it, us military spouses can get burned out really quickly when it comes to solo parenting. What if every military family received a nanny with deployment orders? That would make life so much easier!

  • That you could use a “Get out of deployment free” card

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could get out of a deployment because it wasn’t the right time, or your kids were too young, or because you just didn’t think you could handle another deployment with everything going on? The reality is, there is never a good time for a deployment but we plow through anyway.

  • That you could PCS somewhere simply because your BFF did

Wouldn’t that be amazing? Your BFF went to Fort Carson, which means you get to go there, too. How fun would that be?

  • That ALL military housing was nice, safe, and you wanted to live in it

Unfortunately, not all military housing is created equal. And sometimes housing can make people sick. Wouldn’t it be nice if all military housing were up to code, was nice and safe, and allowed everyone who lived there to have a good home they enjoyed living in?

  • That your spouse could get leave when they needed to, and planning family vacations would be easier

Have you ever had to change the dates of a trip because of the Army? We sure have. If only leave dates could be taken at the perfect time, and could never be changed.

  • That every FRG meeting would be filled with information you need to know with zero drama

Some FRGs are amazing but a lot of them get a bad rap, and maybe for good reason. Wouldn’t it be nice if the FRG was always a fun place to go, with lots of great information, and without any drama? Maybe us military spouses do have the power to change the FRG into a good and helpful place for military spouses to go 🙂

  • That you could always shop at the Commissary on payday without the crowds

What if you never had to wait more than a few minutes, even if you do go to the Commissary on payday? That would be nice!

  • That it would be easy to make friends no matter where you go

Making friends during military life can be a little bit frustrating sometimes. Yes, you have to get out there but sometimes that isn’t enough. What if making friends was easy, no matter who you are, and where your PCS to?

  • That all the challenges when it comes to military spouse employment would go away

There are so many spouses who have to put their careers on hold or pursue something different because they are married to someone in the military. What if these challenges could go away? What if things were a little bit easier regarding a military spouse and their own career?

This list can be a lot of fun and hopefully make you laugh a little, but the reality is that there are things you can do to change and make military life a little better for your family and others.

Be kind. Make friends. Work for changes. And don’t be afraid to figure out a way to make things a little better for everyone.

What about you? What would you want to change if you had the power to do so?